Dear Mira, I have no idea what country you live in but if it is the USA,or a civilized county this is not tolerated for one minute from anyone. Seek help because you are destroying the children's lives for staying. If you are in a modern country your husband will have to pay support. It is all up to you what kind of life your children have. I was a child from an abusive back round and witnessed my father beat my mother. It did damage to myself and siblings which we have never been able to overcome. He plain and simple is an abuser. Some men are so terrible they use God to do the Devils work. Anything would be better than what you are going through now. If there are police call them next time he is abusive to you. This isn't just about your suffering but your children. Save your son before he becomes an abuser. My mother worked three jobs sometimes to support the four of us kids. It can be done. Make a plan be strong. Knowledge is power so find out your rights. Is there any women's shelters where you are. He may eventually kill you and then your children will have no one. Of course it hurts and you are terrified but you still need to do this and do it now. You are in my prayers.
Resolve, thank you for replying, I really like your name. Now, today, things don't seem quite so bleak...and of course..just like I knew, suddenly the tide of verbal abuse and anger that we had to live through these last few days has turned and now he is sweet as syrup. He suddenly speaks in this gentle, soft voice and tells me that he will do whatever it takes to save our marriage. Our latest 'incident' happened because my 10-year old accepted a piece of meat from his grandmother the day before a big religious celebration. (Some people fast 40 days before these celebrations, eating only vegan food, abstaining from sex, etc.) He completely lost it, went like a hurricane through the house and had all of us in tears, including his own parents. Full of self-righteous indignation because he expects a child to show restraint when he himself shows none. I have so much anger inside of me, I can't stand looking at him, so disappointed that I cannot give my children a warm and save haven, a loving family, healthy role-models, a healthy spiritual life. Angry with him for being such a bully, angry with myself for creating a family with this man, what was I thinking? I just need to vent. He has this invisible list of sins and sinful people in his head and at the mere mention of anything on his list he goes bananas. Gays, protestants, Germans, Santa Claus (ha, ha, don't ask) Muslims etc, etc....
Anyway, just need to express my feelings, I have never told my parents about the abuse, it would upset them a lot if they knew that I live so far away and that I am unhappy too, so I always keep up appearances whenever we Skype. I live somewhere in eastern Europe. I read somewhere on another thread here that we should just tell everyone and that is what I am doing now, for so many years it was my little secret, only a few people knew. Thank you for listening. ARE THERE OTHER VICTIMS OF RELIGIOUS ABUSE OUT THERE?
Dear Mira: I stayed in a verbally abusive sitution until I found the book that saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans....and got out after 31 years.
Abusers rarely change. You can do nothing to make him see his behavior is destructive and he is teachng/modeling behavior which your children may either become abusive OR marry an abuser.
You need to be strong for them; they have no power to change their circumstances.
I think you should let your parents know and others;you need all of the support you can get. Are there any shelters, good therapists where you are?
If your parents could send you money....you could escape and stay with them? Verbal abuse very often escalates to physical abuse.........women are murdered every day.
You didn't create the monster, but you CAN escape him.
P.S. Yes, I experiernced spiritual abuse from a protestant church...big time: www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com