I found out my husband was cheating 2 yrs ago i spent 1 yr trying to "fix" things before calling it quits and now im in another relationship with an amazing person but i cant stop crying or getting mad at him for no reason or thinking he is cheating on me every time he leaves the house.... This is the first time i am seeking help from anyone besides my new boyfriend and im not sure what to say so i guess i will start from the begining with my story.... i met my ex husband 13 years ago and he was perfect we liked the same stuff both wanted kids the whole "white picket fence american dream" he took a trip to see a "friend" early when we first started dating when he got back i found a receipt from a gas station that was no where near where he said he was he blew it off said it i didnt know what i was talking about, then i got pregnant with our first kid he was living with a buddy at the time and i decide to stop by unannounced after work one day only to find him coming down the steps from his room no shirt on followed by a girl he said they were going through old pics of his and hers cuz they were long ago friends... well it went on like that for years i would find evidence, but no proof,none that he couldnt explain away, every few months we fought about him possibly cheating and money he never wanted to save ever! one day he called me from a "business trip" said he got a new job and we are moving 6 hours away from everything you know, all your family, friends, support, we are moving. I did not want to move not when my marriage was so rocky in the first place i told him i wasnt moving and that if he went he would have to find ways to see his kids (2 by now) he said there were better opportunities and we could have a better life so he moved and after filling bankruptcy on our house 18 months later i followed him and his promises of a better life... a week, yes a week, later i got a knock on my door who could that be I dont know anyone here, oh it's my husbands girlfriend and she is pregnant! says theyve been together for almost a year...we tried to work it out only because i had no way of getting back home and i knew no one in this new town so i stayed for a year after that, only to find out that not only did he cheat on me but he gave me HPV human pap virus a very common std then tried to say i got it from someone else i probably cheated on him he said, now im on my own he is living with the new girlfriend and baby i have a new boyfriend who makes me very happy most of the time my problem is my boyfriend is also a cheating husband he is going through a divorce as well because he cheated on his wife he is learning to be a better person by being here for me and seeing how infidelity has effected my life he is seeing what he did to his ex he is very supportive and understanding yet i cant stop accusing him of everything, i feel controlling, i feel like im walking down the same path but its different the love feels different I know he is not cheating he does everything he can to comfort me he uses facetime to call me when he is with his friends so i know he is actually where he says, he went with his buddies to a strip club and all his friends lied to their girls about where they went and he told me what happened why they went,where they went everything, called me when they got back, he tells me all his passwords to his FB twitter all that he says i know how to cheat so I know what you look for and i want to be open and honest about everything even if i know your gonna get mad which is all i want from him he is doing everything right and i CANT trust him and i cant seem to be perfect enough i cant even tho he tells me on a daily basis that i am beautiful and sexy and the best girlfriend ever I cant stop thinking that Im gonna screw it up by accusing to much or by nagging too much or by getting too old my ex munipulated me so much and warpped my sense of reality so baddly that i dont know what is real anymore he used to tell me that if i kept accusing him of cheating he was just gonna do it might as well right so i question myself everyday. my ex husband was never around and i hated it he was always away for his job he only worked an hour away yet he only came home once or twicw a week because he was too tired too drive my friends and family all questioned it and i made excuses and said its ok i like having the house to myself less cleaning haha i hated it now my boyfriend is always around we do everything together we are best friends and im scared im gonna push him away with everything that i am dealing with right now my ex is not paying child support evn tho he make 3x as much money as i do i just filled for food stamps and he is driving a 2013 malibu but we share custody and he pays the school fees and buys clothes so he doesnt feel he owes me anything so my boyfriend who is a college student making min wage is helping to support me and my 2 kids but i cant trust him when he says he loves me just because he cheated on his ex throughout my marriage i let all my other relationships go i have all but stopped talking to all of my friends ive made a couple of friends here in the new town but no one i wanna spill my guts to Im just looking for support i guess someone i can talk to when i get those feelings, the negative thoughts that have taken over my soul dont leave home with out them! someone to snap me out of it and tell me im being ridiculous that every time we argue we are not breaking up and just because he talks to his ex wife (they have 2 kids together) doesnt mean he is sleeping with her or even wants to someone to tell me that hey he says he thinks your beautiful accept it i need help learning to be normal again i need to learn to be me again not what some one else wants me to be... but how?

Dear Sally, I am sorry that you are awash in such confusion. May I first say women in general do not pay attention to all the signs in a relationship that there are problems. I have walked a similar path. It is sad we don't have an off and on button to our hearts sometimes so we can use our brains instead. The most important thing in all this mess is that between you and your boyfriend you have 4 children to be responsible for. Have you gone through the legal process yet? Have you started to divorce him? Has the court assigned joint 50/50 custody? It could be that you would still qualify for some child support since his income greatly exceeds yours. I to at a very young age had my life all screwed up! I sence a lot of emotional issues with you. You seem to lack self confidence in your post. You sound physically pretty to me and are hoping this will be enough to make someone love you and stay. If there is any way you could see a therapist I would highly recommend it! I have gone off and on for a lifetime. Your life is in flux right now and it sounds as if maybe some of your choices haven't ended up to serve your best interests. I would highly recommend you not have anymore children until you can provide a stable, secure home for them. Neither you nor your boyfriend need any more lives to be responsible for! He sounds like a good man who cares for you but he has been a cheater which is a huge red flag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all make mistakes and it may be he was not mature enough or committed enough to his wife. Be aware and structure you life to go on without him instead of with him. This might be the man but give it enough time to let the relationship grow and have strong roots. I do think your insecurities will eventually drive him away. It sounds as if you have never gotten secure with yourself and look to other to define who you are. Again I feel these are problems within you that you need to work on or you will never be in a lasting happy relationship. You are in a deep hole but can dig out. What can you do to better yourself? You need a much stronger financial base. Maybe also go to college different hours as your boyfriend so he can watch the kids or the days the ex has the children. It is never hopeless and there are always things you yourself can do. The bottom line is you are a mother and your boyfriend is a father and all four of these little innocents have to come first in your lives. Write it down. What can I do to improve my situation emotionally and financially. Stop dwelling on if your boyfriend is going to cheat or not. Nothing you can do or say or check on is going to stop him if he does. You have to trust until he gives you strong reason not to. Don't continue down this self destructive lives path. You can do this so start with the legal portion if you haven't already. Custody, child support (maybe). Get a divorce if you haven't . Do things the right way and your problems will start to melt away little by little. You are enough . Make changes to make you the best mother and partner you can be. Learn to trust again. Use your head more! I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you all the best to come.