Dear Sally, I am sorry that you are awash in such confusion. May I first say women in general do not pay attention to all the signs in a relationship that there are problems. I have walked a similar path. It is sad we don't have an off and on button to our hearts sometimes so we can use our brains instead. The most important thing in all this mess is that between you and your boyfriend you have 4 children to be responsible for. Have you gone through the legal process yet? Have you started to divorce him? Has the court assigned joint 50/50 custody? It could be that you would still qualify for some child support since his income greatly exceeds yours. I to at a very young age had my life all screwed up! I sence a lot of emotional issues with you. You seem to lack self confidence in your post. You sound physically pretty to me and are hoping this will be enough to make someone love you and stay. If there is any way you could see a therapist I would highly recommend it! I have gone off and on for a lifetime. Your life is in flux right now and it sounds as if maybe some of your choices haven't ended up to serve your best interests. I would highly recommend you not have anymore children until you can provide a stable, secure home for them. Neither you nor your boyfriend need any more lives to be responsible for! He sounds like a good man who cares for you but he has been a cheater which is a huge red flag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all make mistakes and it may be he was not mature enough or committed enough to his wife. Be aware and structure you life to go on without him instead of with him. This might be the man but give it enough time to let the relationship grow and have strong roots. I do think your insecurities will eventually drive him away. It sounds as if you have never gotten secure with yourself and look to other to define who you are. Again I feel these are problems within you that you need to work on or you will never be in a lasting happy relationship. You are in a deep hole but can dig out. What can you do to better yourself? You need a much stronger financial base. Maybe also go to college different hours as your boyfriend so he can watch the kids or the days the ex has the children. It is never hopeless and there are always things you yourself can do. The bottom line is you are a mother and your boyfriend is a father and all four of these little innocents have to come first in your lives. Write it down. What can I do to improve my situation emotionally and financially. Stop dwelling on if your boyfriend is going to cheat or not. Nothing you can do or say or check on is going to stop him if he does. You have to trust until he gives you strong reason not to. Don't continue down this self destructive lives path. You can do this so start with the legal portion if you haven't already. Custody, child support (maybe). Get a divorce if you haven't . Do things the right way and your problems will start to melt away little by little. You are enough . Make changes to make you the best mother and partner you can be. Learn to trust again. Use your head more! I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you all the best to come.