When I first posted on here I was not sure why I was putting my life out to strangers as well. I have to tell you it has been one of the smartest choices. You will find you are surrounded by people going through the same experience and feelings as you are.
Your story is very similar to mine. I have been married for 27 years and with my STBX for 30. We started dating when I was in high school but since he was 3 years older he was out. I basically became his life. All focus was on me. That is a lot of pressure to put on a 17 year old! I also tried to end our relationship before we got married but people pleasing me could not hold my ground. Over the last 27 years, I have had many thoughts of divorce. I was pregnant 4 months into our marriage so I knew that I would be alone with a child...then came another...and another. Believe me they are my life and the reason I stayed so long. My husband was never physically with me but he played mind games. I put my career on hold early in our marriage so he could live by his family. When I wanted to relocate, he always said I had to make a ton of money or else we would not make it. The amount was usually way more than he was making. Well after years of it, I did exactly that...found a job making double him...thinking I would take the kids (only 2 were left)and move backfired because he found a job in the new location immediately. We continued to try to work things out but he continued to tell me how much more work his job was and blah blah blah. I have a very successful career, am the main provider, work about 60 hours week, keep kids schedules, pay for weddings and college and basically run our lives. He worked 40 hrs per week and couldn't figure out how to wipe off the counter after he ate! Publically we were that couple...never clingy but not fighting. I couldn't stand being with him in public though because he had to one up everyone. It became a joke for me. I would not take him to work events with me because of this.
End of story I told him I needed out in July. Our divorce will be final on Sept 15.
As I read your story I saw so much of mine in it. Don't waste anymore time living to keep the peace. I wish I had made the move years ago. I have felt alive again.
We are all here for you! Be confident, strong and remember you can do this!
Jackie: I was married to a man for 21 years who also lost many jobs (I worked part time for half the marriage - long story). You need a consultation with a Family Lawyer ASAP (see if you can get a free one). Many men want full custody so and/or quit jobs so they don't have to pay child support. My ex wanted everything. Please close all joint bank accounts, joint credit cards, joint lines of credit, etc., so he will not take advantage of you financially if you are seriously considering leaving the marriage and I think you should. People who are controlling are considered abusive.