Feeling Lost: I agree with the other poster that a visitation schedule needs to be set up and if he consistently fails to see the kids, I would go for sole custody. One would think there is someone occupying his time and he may be having an affair. I would also make sure you get child support ASAP and consult with a family lawyer about this. Make sure, first of all, you close all joint bank, credit and dept. store accounts. A Lawyer would tell you to do this. If you need emergency spousal support, see about getting that, also. I have been divorced since 2009 and living alone since our daughter moved out at age 20 in 2010. What I do to help with the lonely time is to have the t.v. or radio on all the time, go to yoga and a low priced health club (where I met a nice guy I've been seeing for 2 years). Now is the time to pamper yourself even if all you can do is take a nice, warm bath or go for a walk. I also found that friends were a great source of support (and still are) at that time. One thing you would want to include in the divorce agreement, would be arrangements for how he is going to help with college expenses for the kids if they go. An acquaintance of mine wishes she had done this.
I can relate to your confusion about what did you do to deserve him treating you so badly. I, too, viewed most of the 16 year relationship/marriage very positively, it only soured when he lost all interest in being married and instead fantasized about other women and how me and his vows were standing in the way of him finding a women he could have the feeling of love toward, (like he did when we were first together), how that feeling disappeared and he doesn't love me in "that way" anymore. I think missing him and the relationship that no longer was became easier yet accepting why he was so mean and distant and blaming, accusing me of never being a good wife, and a host of other verbal abuses. That's when I remind myself it is why we are at where we are at. It's only been a few weeks since I moved out. Yet this has been going on for a very long while. I hope you feel better soon. I hope I feel better soon. God Bless and keep your chin up.
Thank you all for your responses. I hear what you are all saying and it makes so much sense in my mind. Wrapping my emotions around it is what is causing issues. I think I am missing what I thought our relationship was not what is actually was.
I do have a lawyer and we have now set up a visitation schedule and a neutral meeting place. Child support is supposed to start in a few more weeks. He dragged his feet and didn't get the paperwork back to them when he was supposed to. He even had to gall to call me when he was filling it out and asking me to help him... I took care of everything when we were married and now he wants out but still wants me to take care of everything it just makes me mad. He then during that same conversation was asking me what he should be doing with the kids when he has them. What kind of things they like to do. My response to that was you have got to be kidding me, for years I tried to get you to know your kids and do things with us as a family and now you are asking me how to be a father to your kids. Why do I keep riding the roller coaster he tries to keep me on.