Dear D, If anything happened to my husband (second marriage) I would change my name back to my first husband's name. This is the name of my children who are adults but still use their father's last name. You actually had first claim on the name and it bonds you to your children. Unless this a big issue to the widow I would not feel bad about keeping your name as is. It is a lot of trouble to change a name on everything! A name is just that a name and in my opinion should not pull so much weight. You may be grieving his loss and feel uncomfortable about the situation and where your place is in his death. I still care a great deal for my ex and we have remained friend for decades. If he passed I would feel a profound loss. Maybe let it rest awhile and then revisit it.