I can relate to your confusion about what did you do to deserve him treating you so badly. I, too, viewed most of the 16 year relationship/marriage very positively, it only soured when he lost all interest in being married and instead fantasized about other women and how me and his vows were standing in the way of him finding a women he could have the feeling of love toward, (like he did when we were first together), how that feeling disappeared and he doesn't love me in "that way" anymore. I think missing him and the relationship that no longer was became easier yet accepting why he was so mean and distant and blaming, accusing me of never being a good wife, and a host of other verbal abuses. That's when I remind myself it is why we are at where we are at. It's only been a few weeks since I moved out. Yet this has been going on for a very long while. I hope you feel better soon. I hope I feel better soon. God Bless and keep your chin up.
Thank you all for your responses. I hear what you are all saying and it makes so much sense in my mind. Wrapping my emotions around it is what is causing issues. I think I am missing what I thought our relationship was not what is actually was.
I do have a lawyer and we have now set up a visitation schedule and a neutral meeting place. Child support is supposed to start in a few more weeks. He dragged his feet and didn't get the paperwork back to them when he was supposed to. He even had to gall to call me when he was filling it out and asking me to help him... I took care of everything when we were married and now he wants out but still wants me to take care of everything it just makes me mad. He then during that same conversation was asking me what he should be doing with the kids when he has them. What kind of things they like to do. My response to that was you have got to be kidding me, for years I tried to get you to know your kids and do things with us as a family and now you are asking me how to be a father to your kids. Why do I keep riding the roller coaster he tries to keep me on.