Dear Alva, Does your husband have any history of substance abuse? How out of character is this? Is this new behavior or has he always been this way? Certainly sound very self destructive. If it is depression he needs help with this. He must do this himself with your help of course. Has some life event happened recently like death of a parent or close friend? Could there be another women? It is certain you can't continue this way. If he won't open up to you and is bent on destroying his life don't let him take you down with him. I would start preparing to move on with your life. It takes two to build a life together which also includes financial security. This will continue to limit your life choices. I wish you the best but it doesn't sound promising unless he cooperates.

A woman once told me that if you want a different type of relationship, you need to get a different man. You are not going to change him or the relationship. Only you can decide if this is the relationship you want to keep.