I knew I was going to file for divorce almost two years before I actuallly did. I began a plan. Went to work and saved money (very important) and I began to call lawyers where they advertised free consulations. Some where as short as only 15 minutes. But for each one I went to, I had about three questions written down and I began to attain knowledge. What I was entitled to, what it would cost, how financially in the future I was going to do this. I went to 8 different lawyers with questions. To each one, I had a new set of 3.

I obtained every document, income tax statements, bank statements, retirement annunities I could find. My mind worked and worked and I tried to lift every rock for information.

And I kept quiet as a mouse to be honest with you. I knew what he was doing, the hiding of money, the lies, and sometimes meeting another woman for a date. I no longer exploded. My mind was made up.

And when I found the right lawyer that I knew in my gut I could trust and would be pulling for ME. I filed. It was not easy. My ex lived with me for the whole 18 month process and yes, he tried to make a 360 turn and all of sudden there was no verbal abuse, silent treatment or raised voices. He didn't ask if I would change my mind, he thought that it would go easier on him if he all of a sudden was nice. I played the game, was very civil back, but there was no changing my mind. I lived 13 years of complete control and bullying and isolation. I bucked at him always, and that is probably why he didn't want to be married to me anymore in the first place.

We are divorced a year and two months now. He bought another house, has a new woman in his life, and new cars and he is more than fine. I am recovering. It was a long four year from beginning to end, from the first moment I knew that we would not be forever. And it is a process to heal. But although I wasn't smart picking him to be my husband, I was very smart during the divorce process. Think and think clearly and keep one focus in mind. To get as much as you can for you and your child to survive. Good luck to you.

Dear seeking freedom, It is such a waste of a precious life to spend it miserable and unhappy. I trust that you know in your heart that the source of your grief is the marriage. If you feel you have done everything within your power to improve it as best you can and this is the only answer then it is time to go. When you have a child your needs sometimes must come after those of your child. I am not familiar with family law in Canada but I assume it would be much like that of the States. Father's rights are equally protected now in this era. He is your child's father so be prepared to give up a lot of power in this area. Some ex's don't care and are happy to let you have and care for the children. You didn't give much information on the marriage so we don't know what kind of father he is. You are never really trapped in any situation so please don't feel it is hopeless. I feel Lara's and Emily's advice was right on so get legal consul first. One of the hardest things to cope with is the financial aspect of a divorce. Can you support yourself and child? Do you have any money saved or can family help you out. You need to basically know what you have and what you owe. The less you share with others right now the better. Know who your friends are and don't tell anyone who may not keep your secret including family members. Be prepared to have your closest friends betray you as you'd be shocked how often that happens. I trust he is not physically abusive or I feel you would have indicated that in your post. Divorce requires you to be fearless when you feel least able to be. Just look at the life in front of you when this is behind you. Life is not over and you can have a fresh start. Just know that you have many friends on this forum who are here to support you. Just take the first step and it will get easier. Be wise and don't let your anger or hurt trip you up. It is time to be crafty and in the end it will be worth not telling him how you really feel about him. Just be patient and take action. Knowledge is power so find out all you can before you start to make your move. We will be praying for you.

Thank you all who replied to my post. Lots of information and just nice to realize you are not alone:) My mind is set for sure and I know there is no hope to improve my marriage, nor do I want to at this moment.... Problem is I don't have a plan, no money saved, I work part-time and my Spouse is in total denial that I am serious about this. Another thing is all my relatives are in another country so I don't really have any help/support. So it is kinda hopeless right now.... I really liked that comment about planning to leave... I think this is what I am doing right now. I can't just take off simply because I can't even afford a place to rent.... Again thank you very much for all replies. I really appreciate it!