Divorced 4 years and am still struggling with what I could have done different that would have saved my marriage.

He put me in charge of our finances. Was never happy that I couldn't find a way to pay for ALL the the things HE wanted. Oops we have 4 kids to raise. He never gave me credit for getting us out of debt. Cant even begin to figure out the number of hours I spent making that happen. There was one time (near the end of our marriage when I was feed up with him blaming me that I pointed out that my saying no to giving HIM what he wanted had a effect on our overall finances. He went ballistic.Don't know how many times over the years he told me that HE couldn't have what he wanted because I choose to get something for the kids. Additionally he wanted to live beyond our income. Always had things he got at a cheap price with the intent of doing something with the money was never there. I truly wanted to make this happen for him but couldn't

The other big issue was sex. The things he wanted to try were repulsive to me. I tried to spice things up in ways I could over the years. I was abused sexually as a child. Looking back at my marriage I realize that I was abused again with him. The ONLY time he ever got REALLY emotional was when I mentioned this after my counselor told him what he was doing was WRONG. So ****** him off when I refused to do the things that I was uncomfortable with.

So should I have made my children do without to give my ex what he wanted? Keep in mind that my kids only had the basic stuff ( we never paid $50 for a pair of jeans or $100.00 for tennis shoes. We had a budget for what we could spend). Any time we went over that it was my ex that said go ahead and spend the extra money.

I don't think there was anything different you could have done to save your marriage because you were married to an immature man, selfish man that thought only of himself and what material things HE could have. What did you do wrong? Took care of children, got yourself out of debt and worked on building a life with less financial stess? Wow, what a crime.

Look he was a father, and a husband, and he was suppose to be working with you to build the company up! That is what mature men do. You work as a team to that end.

He didn't want to. He was thinking of Numerial Uno and no one else. No marriage can survive that thinking.

The sex part....I hear you there. My exhusband was very demanding when it came to sex. And I always felt, that it had nothing to do with having sex with ME. Any woman would have been sufficient as long as he got what he wanted, and how he wanted it. Many times I was uncomfortable with what he asked for, many times I cried, many times it was obvious that there was nothing I was getting out it. And he could care less. My feelings, emotions, tears meant nothing to him. Sex became a duty. I could have the flu and it didn't matter to him. And so the sex part was no longer fun. And he was very unhappy and actually moved out of the bedroom for a year. This was suppose to be my punishment, when actually it was my vacation.

LOL

I've been divorced over a year. Truly I am happier. And he must be too, because he found another and she is now semi living with him most of the week in the brand new house he bought and renovated for them. there are times that it kills me that his life just went on, and there are times I begin to doubt myself and wondered if I could have done better. But the truth is, that what ever I am imagining in my head, is not real. I lived with the man for 17 years and was married for 13 of them. It was a horror. He was selfish also, buying himself Korvettes, Mercedes, while I drove around with an 11 year old car. Every two years, he got himself another new toy. He handled the finances, and I was on nothing. I paid half the bills of the house, with my part time job, all my own credit cards, repairs to the car and any gift giving was on me too. He was never there for me. I had three operations and he was in the silent treatment, for all of them so therefore never took me to a hospital, visited, or brouht me hom. It was a nightmare. I went to 7 weddings by myself, and when I took care of my dying parents for a year, there was hell to pay.

On my good days, and there are starting to be plenty of those, I realize that his new woman could have him. He might be love-boming her now, but the real him will come out sooner or later. I know....I lived with him. I might be alone, but I don't feel alone. I only felt that when I was with him.

You are not crazy, you didn't do anything wrong, stop doubting yourself.

Very well said. I have to commiserate where the sex was concerned. My situation is somewhat different although the same in many ways. My 35 yr old husband had a spinal cord injury and for 8 years he could not have sexual intercourse so he was not interested in anything else especially where my pleasure was concerned. I did without and lived on memories, I would never have dreamed of cheating. 3 years ago his urologist told him about Cialis. Since he now had the option of intercourse, that aspect of our lives resumed, however, he had NO interest in participating in any way except as a recipient and he had very specific ideas he had been "inspired" to develop from observing porno movies. Not my cup of tea. So that fell apart and all he could do was to fantasize about other women, and how I was standing in his way of having a gratifying sexual life. Double standard. I wasn't supposed to do that when the tables were turned. And what he wanted to do was not pleasant to me in any way, shape, or form. So, we are where we are, divorce pending. (that he wants, and mainly based on the idea that our relationship has run its course he likes to say). Talk about hurt after everything I stood by him for. Despite all that, I still miss him terribly, it has only been a month since I moved out, and I ask myself what makes me still want to talk to him and see him when I know it will only culminate in verbal abuse? I don't succumb to that feeling, but I wish it would go away.