Reese: I was a stay at home mom for half the marriage of 21 years and worked very part time. I was in my late 40s when he left and was injured. Because of my injury, I could not work full time (and it's tough getting a job as you get older). My Lawyer asked for alimony and he and his Lawyer stalled for nine months. I was lucky because my ex voluntarily paid all of the ordinary household bills, but he only took me to a food warehouse once. (The alimony ended up being less than the bills, so he would have been better off just doing that). There are other posters on this forum who have gotten emergency/immediate alimony. I went to the local food pantry. I agree with the other poster that you should apply for whatever aid you can get to help you. It is hard to make them pay without a court order (your Lawyer is probably thinking he won't pay without one). Regarding jobs if you are able to work: many women in my area got training through an anti-poverty agency to obtain jobs cleaning and doing errands for the elderly. One of them was in her late 50s when she started after she lost another job. My ex's Lawyer was trying to force me to go back to work full time so my ex wouldn't have to pay anything and I had to give a Doctor's note saying I couldn't resume the work I used to do and could only sit/stand for 15 mins. at a time. I remember those days of waiting for a court date. Hang in there. One thing we did was to reduce the bills like getting only basic cable, you may want to cut back to just one phone service, I still shop at Thrift Shops for clothes. I remember my Dad saying if you are not in the room, the light should not be on and I still do that, except I leave night lights to lead the way to the bathroom when I have a guest. I was divorced in 2009 and still have not recovered financially. Alimony is tough to get these days, but since you were married so long and were home so long, it should work out for you. I have heard the Salvation Army helps pay for utility bills in an emergency situation. Take Care.
My experience is that the courts will go back to the filing date and you can only hope he has a soul somewhere that will come out. Honestly every atty advices do not pay anything until court now that will screw him in the long run and it makes things horribly hard on you of course. What I would do is call about services such as SNAP benefits, ANYTHING that can help you now relieve the pressure of what you are going through. I don't know if you belong to a church, they are so willing to help people in need. One thing I'm going to highly suggest is that when you get that award you INSIST it is garnished from his check that way there are no issues in collection and ask that the back support start coming out now. I would also ask during that time about taxes, in terms of making sure that the tax money is required to be sent to YOUR atty that way you can take the back out of his 1/2 because chances are the judge will award joint filing on taxes regardless how long he's been out of the house. One can only hope. I'm sooo sorry you are dealing with this and going through all this crap it sucks bad. I call it starving the parenting partner out. Mine didn't take the kids at all during that time and I have sole custody so I understand how hard it all is. DOCUMENT how hard this has been for you and what your expenses are and how much you need the financial stuff. At some point you can get away from needing the money for now .. you need it and you are entitled to it and what he's doing is big time BS. Hugs