Ann: I remember those days when my husband came to collect his things (after both Lawyers kicked him out - he filed) and I had a teen daughter who was home from college. It took him 2 1/2 months to get all his stuff and he abandoned junk with me - make sure he takes ALL his stuff, including disposing of the junk. I was lucky I had others to help me get rid of my ex's junk (it was not even fit for a yard sale). He, too, did not spend time with our daughter and did his laundry here and glared at me. My friends, who I often talked to on the phone, were a lifeline for me and I continued on at the low cost health club. Spend time with supportive friends and/or family and make sure you get your own bank account and your own credit cards. A Lawyer would tell you to do that. I would recommend getting a consultation with a Lawyer or checking the divorce laws in your State on line. Sometimes the first visit with a Lawyer is free. Make sure you get child support for your son and put in the divorce agreement college payment plans if he is going to college if you decide to divorce. It may be that your husband finds out in the future that "the grass is not greener" and may get lonely. I have been in and out of counseling since 2005 and someone nice found me a few years ago and ex has had a weekend girlfriend since just before the divorce went to court for the first time. I was lucky I had a supportive family lawyer who worked out of her home so she was able to charge me less and she did it all.
Lara -
thanks for your kind advice. You've been the only one to respond so that god you threw me a lifeline. I have already seen 1 lawyer and am going to the a "mean one" tomorrow. I think I've got a grasp on the child support & legal stuff. It's the emotional stuff I can't handle. My husband still acts like he has the right to come into the home whenever he wants even though he walked out. part of me wants to lock him out so that he can realize what he's done as soon as possible but I am also trying not to "poke the bear"
I don't know how this will play out but in any case I appreciate you being there. I do have plenty of friends that I talk to but I start to worry that I am wearing them out.
so thank you again.
Ann
I feel like I am doing the same Ann. It's hard to go through a divorce, let alone feel like you're a broken record. I feel like I am wearing my family and friends out too. But, at the same time if they love you enough they will be understanding. Each day it will get easier. I find myself talking about my divorce less and less. It still isn't official yet and having even minimal contact with my spouse is hard, it brings up feelings of sadness and possible regret, though deep down I know I am doing the right thing for myself. Take this time for yourself to heal. If you're worried about being the center of attention too often, then turn the tables and ask your friends and family about their lives, which I am sure you're already doing. So really, you may have nothing to worry about. There are also lots of self help books out there that can be rather beneficial and I have found that writing in a journal helps too. The journal never gets tired of hearing what you have to say because it can't talk back. I feel a sense of relief after I have written my thoughts down. Also stay busy by developing a hobby. Go for a walk, spend some time with your child, etc. There are lots of therapeutic things out there that can help you through this tough process. Emotionally it will be hard but each day you will get stronger. Also kudos to you for getting a lawyer. If you are worried about your spouse being at home talk to your lawyer about what should be done. If your husband has another place to stay and has removed all of his things he shouldn't be using the home as a laundromat.
I am going through the same thing. Trying to hold onto my sanity. Sometimes I feel like I will be ok and I will get through it, other times its a minute by minute thing where I want to scream and cry at the unfairness of it all.
I just wanted him to love me as I loved him. Simple, easy. We could work everything else out. But when one partner doesn't love the other there is no hope.
I am "no name" because I haven't told any of my friends or family yet even though I am six weeks into this. I know I will have to tell them sooner or later but some how saying it makes it irreversibly true.