I feel helpless & so lost with everything that has happened to me, I haven't really talked to anybody that has gone through divorce, & I thought I might try this site.I'm going through an unexpected divorce, I was married for 19 years, w/ 2 kids, one day my ex just told me he has other priorities & wants to move out, I felt like my whole world just shattered. I thought everything was okey. This happened right when I was so stressed out, scared that I might have cancer & I was going to have surgery. I could not describe the pain I felt, It felt like I got stabbed in the chest & in the back a thousand times. So my ex moved out & scheduled a mediation 10 days after I had surgery, he was in a hurry. He asked me to pay for everything, even take all the credit cards, he said he wont petition for my retirement. I make more than him so I have to pay spousal support & child support. And so we came to an agreement & after it was drafted, all of a sudden he did not agree with it,he got a lawyer & they demanded me to pay his lawyer fees ,pay an equalization payment & a higher amt for spousal support. It is unbelievable that he works & what he's making is enough to support him. I really got screwed up believing him when he said hes not going for my retirement, & other finances.He is going after everything. I have a good lawyer, but California is a no fault state,& if you're married more than 10 years the payment could be a lifetime. I really feel for my kids, it's been hard on them. I could not believe somebody could just walked out & ask you to support him & tell you, you could be friends. I don't think I could be friends again w/ a person who treated me like trash. If we didnt have kids I don't think I would ever talk to him. I feel like i'm better one day & then just back to square one the next day. I will appreciate any advice or feedback, thank you.
Clare: It makes me wonder if he has found someone else. I was married for 21 years and my ex left. In most States assets are split 50/50. Research on line the laws in your State. I got long term alimony until I got half of my Dad's Estate which is reinvested/managed so it won't run out because I had been a stay at home mom for half the marriage, was in my late 40s and was injured. My ex, also, wanted a lot (the house, the daughter (she was 18 and stayed with me and half of my money which was given to me by my family). He got none of that. He wanted me to leave the house and I had nowhere to go and had accused me of hoarding money which wasn't true while he had credit card debt of 20K/year for two years (he paid it all off since nearly all of the charges were his). He had the earning capacity to move on and was working. Do not listen to your husband and let your Lawyer do as much as he/she can. One Lawyer talks to the other Lawyer and they come to a divorce agreement. You do not have to talk to your husband about it - let the Lawyers do the talking. It's what I did mostly. I get my ex's social security after he passes. It makes me wonder why your husband is trying for it at all if he is making enough. You are in the early stages of a divorce which is the hardest time. Gather together your bills and cancel all joint credit cards and the joint checking account if you have them and get your own. Lawyers tell people to do this so the other won't charge excessively. We were under a court order not to run up a high credit card tab. My ex still used a joint line of credit and a joint dept. store card I didn't know we had after the divorce and it showed up on my credit report. I imagine you have high medical bills and your husband won't get much. The health, age and earning capacity of each spouse is taken into consideration. How old are the kids? In the State where I live in, the kids decide where they want to live at age 12. It's possible that he wants the kids so he doesn't have to pay child support. Sounds like he wants to leave without any financial responsibilities and collect money from you - truly disgusting. They call it the "justice system" for a reason so hopefully the Judge will see how unjust this is. Many people only talk to an ex spouse when it concerns the children. I advise you to do the same.