Hello, I live in New York State (if this helps). I've been married for 4 years. We have no kids though we've been trying since February. I though I was happy enough with a good man until I met Prince Charming. We're in love - its magic - and I feel like he's a better fit for me than my husband ever was. He is in an unhappy marriage (his wife cheats but he has let it go for the sake of the kids) and will be asking for the divorce by the end of the year. He has two young kids. I know he'll have a mess on his hands because of the kids. We want custody of them and to get married to each other. For now, we've been sneaking around, mostly because we don't want to affect him getting the kids. I think she wants to be free to date others but he said she might get nasty about the kids - I don't know why since she never pays attention to them.

Prince Charming knows what he needs to do, but I don't know how to move forward on my end. My husband will be blindsided and angry. We have a house together. I feel awful and selfish whenever I'm home and look at my husband because I know how much he loves me and trusted me to be with him forever. He may not give me a divorce or let me separate. I don't know divorce law very well, but from what I can tell you need a reason. It seems the easiest way for me, though the harshest for him, is to tell him I'm cheating (and prove it? WTH?) and be at-fault. I don't want alimony or anything other than what I've purchased over time. I just want to sell the house we mortgaged together and hope he signs me the title on my car (I paid the payments in my name but his name is on the title). I want everything to be easy and civil but I don't know how he'll react. I've accepted that he'll hate me and I want to settle things NOT face-to-face because I'm a coward. I don't want counseling or to drag things out for 6-12 months.

Can anyone recommend how I should proceed legally? And how to prepare myself ahead of time.

Thank you.

So your Prince Charming is married and has a cheating wife. Which is basically what you are right now. End one relationship before you begin another. And how sure are you he is using that old excuse of "yes, I'm in the process of divorcing my terrible wife and I want to marry you cuz I love you" to get what he wants. He may never keep the commitment, be careful how you proceed.

oh my...

I have been in this situation. I would love to talk to you. But, all I can say is that you are in for a VERY difficult road that ultimately does not end the way you want or expect.

lol...I definitely don't have any advice for you.

I do, however, wish both of your former partners new relationships with much better people and I wish the poor children involved in this good luck in getting through what's going to be a very difficult transition based on their idiot fathers cheating.

I think you're about to get exactly what you deserve.

p.s. Prince Charming isn't a married dude who screws around on his wife and kids. Just sayin'

p.p.s. Chances of you two getting custody of the kids is extremely slim. I hope he's prepared to lose his kids for you.

Guilty: If he files for divorce early in 2015, this is a sign he may want to continue long term with you, but I would be really cautious about getting involved with him unless you have known him already for a long time and take it slowly until both of you are divorced (friends first) Ask yourself if you are comfortable with someone who has responsibilities to his children be prepared for them to not be very friendly toward you in the beginning because their family life will be broken and changed (unless you already have an established relationship with them or they are older). Ask yourself if he is leaving his wife for you, will he someday leave you for someone else? I can understand why he is not wanting to stay with his wife. Still I would proceed very slowly. Many people wait until after the holidays to file for a divorce. Since it seems like you have made up your mind that you want one, a Lawyer would tell you to get your own credit cards and your own bank account (cancel anything jointly held like a line of credit and a dept. store credit card). You would benefit from a consultation with a Lawyer and ask him or her about the car. You can have your Lawyer do most of the talking to your husband. It doesn't matter whether or not your husband will or "won't give you a divorce" because if one person doesn't want the marriage anymore and files for divorce, the divorce happens. My Lawyer told me it would take a year for the divorce to happen and that is exactly how long it took. I wished it would have happened sooner, but he and his Lawyer dragged it out even though he filed. Also, check the divorce laws on this web site for your State. If I were in your situation, I would just tell the Lawyer I did not wish to be married to the person anymore, but really think it through first.

Nearly all states have no-fault divorce of one sort or another. The standard verbiage to use is "mutual incompatibility." You file in a court, negotiate, agree, a judge signs off on it, then a waiting period to finalize. Only a few states might have a 1 year wait. In Texas, it's 90 days to finalization. But your lover will probably get, at most, 50-50 custody if his stbx has anything to say about it.
I agree, there is a good chance your boyfriend will get cold feet and won't divorce.

Blue: In MA they call it "irretrievable breakdown of the marriage". The waiting period is a few months for finalization, but, what I meant was the Lawyer told me the time period from when someone files to when it goes to court for the "final" review by the Judge is about a year (takes time to get a court date in some States with a high population/courts are busy). Best wishes to all during this difficult time around the holidays.

Every state is different. You should consult with an attorney in your own state. The local state bar may be able to refer you to someone. Also think long and hard before pursuing a divorce. Make sure you really love this other guy before doing so. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. You may already have something great with your current spouse. You may just have forgotten. But only you know if this is true.