Teri: Since her name is not on the mortgage paperwork and the mortgage company and broker said the new wife plays no role in the home you and your ex/late husband purchased together, I say it's them who are right, not the kids. My ex hasn't remarried, but wanted to buy a home before the divorce was final. The mortgage people called me requesting a credit check because we were still legally married. My Lawyer advised me not to get involved in any way, especially in the event he lost his job (which he did) in his purchase of a new home (I would have had to start making payments on a house only he lived in across the country, dumb, right?). The Lawyer helped me get the house in my name because in the 50/50 splitting of the assets, he got his retirement (except social security when he dies) and I got the house. I know my situation isn't exactly the same as yours, but hope this helps. It would be best to call the local Bar Association with this question just to verify or maybe you could get a free consultation with a Lawyer. I know when my Dad died, we got multiple copies of the death certificate on the advice of my now late ex mother-in-law and she was right.
thanks lara. i'm meeting with a lawyer on Monday and will post the results just in case someone else needs that info. you mentioned something about your ex's social security when he dies. You can collect his social security when you turn 60 it will be i believe at 71%, at 62 it is 81% and if you wait longer it goes up more. check with the Social Security Dept. He doesn't even need to know you are collecting it. It has no bearing on what he is collecting.