No matter how hard this is, your child is yours and his and a child can only benefit from having a relationship with BOTH parents. Obviously this is fairly new to you, and I know from my own experience that your child during upsets and drams become so important to you, and fill a void. So when the child is gone, you are alone and faced with your own worries and fears for there is nothing else to focus on.

This is where you should be taking the time for yourself. To grow and learn and meet new people. Make plans for YOU on the days that the child is gone. The child is not with a monster, he or she is with their dad, who loves him or her just as much as you do.

You are not a bad parent for doing this, you are good and fair parent and putting your child's needs first. Think of it that way.

It is all a process and something that you have to get use to and you will. Give it some time.