Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!
If he won't go into therapy with you then go for yourself....it can go a long way into helping you figure it all out...a good support system.
Cristal: I was also married for 21 years. You should visit a Lawyer. There is a lot at stake in long term marriages. Family Lawyers are best when children are concerned - even if they are older, college students like mine were.