My husband and I have been separated since November 2014 and share a four year old daughter. There are numerous reasons for me wanting the divorce, however the most compelling are:

1. Dishonesty/Lying/ Another woman
2. Lack of transparency
3. Illegal and Reckless behavior (Selling narcotic prescription drugs for profit; selling marijuana for profit; in possession of a firearm as a convicted felon, et..)

During the marriage he filed for disability and after several years of not working (or quitting every job he got within months after starting), he ended up being awarded SSI/Disability benefits but left much of the financial responsibility up to me. Let me also add that I've been an onsite Property Manager that lives in an apartment on site as part of the compensation package.

Over they years, he refused to manage money responsibly, refused to help with our daughter who is autistic, however showed unnatural favoritism towards his 18 year old son for no other reason than that he was a student athlete that was being recruited by numerous D1 universities. He frequently spoke about the "perks" he was hoping to be offered as compensation for getting his son to sign with any university willing to "look out for him." He would go drop off and pick up his son at school, but refused to take our daughter to her school just a mile down the road, on the way to his son's school. His reason was, " Well, going to drop him or pick him up from school doesn't require me to get out of the car. If I take her, I have to get out of the car and go in the school."

Since her birth, I've been the one steady support system for the entire family. Now that he's gone I'm still the most stable thing in her life. Since he moved out he has refused to turn over to me her social security payment that he gets for her every month. When asked he said, " No, I NEED that money. I'll give it to you in a few months." Thus far,he has only been willing to give me a little over $100 of her over $200 SSI payment. From time to time he will swing by to see our daughter, as he can't take her to his house because he is homeless. Since this winter, he has been living between his truck and different hotels.

He has claimed to have retained an attorney to "hurry up and get this over with" (meaning the divorce), and has told the attorney that we've been separated for a year ( in compliance with our state's laws when children are involved). This of course isn't true, as we've been apart for nearly 5 months. He said that if we both agree to this date of separation we can speed up the divorce process. He refuses to give me the name of the attorney or the contact information. Because of this I've made an appointment to file a petition myself with the county for custody, support and visitation. As much as I would love to get this divorce over with, I don't feel right about being dishonest and I don't believe it's worth the risk.

After all of the lack of involvement personally and financially he finds it within himself to give me unbelievable amounts of grief for wanting to bring my 4 year old with me to visit my family in Massachusetts (about an 8 hour drive from where I am now. Not even a month ago he was in agreement that if I ever wanted to move somewhere, back home to MA was totally fine with him because he knew all of my family was there and our daughter would be ok. I just want to go for a weekend and his reason for not liking the idea of me taking her with me is, " I don't know your parents. Ive never met your parents. You're parents were abusive to you as a kid/teenager. I don't know their address....why don't they pay for your other children to fly up there? They're racist...." He's grasping at straws and I feel like he is trying to control the situation and it's very unreasonable and unfair. I've never denied him access to our daughter and have been MORE than hospitable in allowing him into my home to visit her instead of making him visit with her elsewhere. What can I do ? I don't think my parents will be ok with him having their address considering that he is a convicted felon and he has a history of subsequent illegal behavior.

I guess since I don't have the money to hire an attorney, I'm afraid that I wont know how to present information to the judge properly when it comes time...from the moment we enter the court room until we walk out. Does anyone have any tips or advice for me? What do I say upon being called into court? How do I present the information properly. Also, with him not having an address, I have to publish the filing of the custody and support in the paper. Am I still obligated to verbally tell him about the court date under VA law? I dont want to appear vindictive, but I also want to be smart and use what I can to my advantage. Im sure he will if given the opportunity.

Can someone please help?

For me, I would agree to setting the date of separation earier, simply because delaying the date is delaying the invitable. It's better to get it over with, I think, and then move on with life.
He's definitely disreputable in his behavior. How can he collect SSI for the child without mentioning her mother?
Maybe you can't ask for some of that money. It's between him and the administering agency. However that income must be disclosed in the divorce paperwork.
Abused finances and irrelevant criminal histories are not usually a factor with custody sharing, but I think you can probably get primary custody.
Many lawyers will provide an initial consultations for free. I urge you to speak with some to understand the possibilities.