I am going through a divorce after being married for 15yrs. I can relate to feeling pain, out of place, in a daze, emotions all over the place from minute to minute. One thing I can say to you that is helping me right now. Is "if you want to change your life change someone else's." Find something else to focus your energy on. Start small welcoming and understanding that you need a distraction right now. You are enough all by yourself. Maybe you are supposed to experience other people, other places before your journey here ends. I sincerely wish you well. Change is scary but it's the one constant you can count on.