Hello All! It is been so long since I have used a forum chat room or even IM'd---my husband who is incredibly jealous and insecure prefers me not to chat online...

At any rate I am here today because I have been considering divorcing my husband for two years now. Not because I fell out of love but because so many horrible things have transpired between us. I feel constantly worn down, belittled and undermined. My husband is very moody---The roller coaster of his emotions along with my own has taken a toll on me physically as well as mentally.

I have been married for 5 years and we have been together for a total of 8. We were married at 23---Now at 28 I realize how much of a rush and mistake our matrimony was. My husband and I both come from difficult backgrounds where we both suffered physical and sexual abuse. Unfortunately our unresolved issues is a source of contention in our relationship--I have severe PTSD and my husband has made it worse over the years with his physical, mental and emotional abuse. My husband has not assaulted me in 9 months--the last time we fought (this time the fighting was mutual) i ended up re-injuring my left ankle and was unable to walk for over 2 months--this was the second time he broke my ankle. The first time occurred 8 years ago when were dating. He picked me up from work, picked a fight with me, and began punching a bowl I held in my lap--We crashed into a tree going 50 MPH. My ankle was fractured and dislocated--I had to have surgery. I was unable to walk for 6 months and now have a screw in my ankle.


Although the physical assault has decreased tremendously he is still abusive emotionally and financially. he hides bills, lies about where his money is being spent and is extremely secretive.

Every time I tell him I have had enough and we are not working he makes me feel like a wretched person---because he says I am abandoning him and he needs me. And he says that he would never leave me because I had issues. At the same time I feel suffocated, stressed and anxious on a daily basis. In the past i did not leave my husband because I was insecure and afraid to be alone myself--I felt like a failure and immature about my haste to divorce.

But now I am tired---so tired and I find myself the happiest when he is not around.IK am no longer afraid to divorce him or be single. The problem is I am financially dependent on him--up until last year I was always the bread winner--but after quitting my job (I was slandered by mgmt) I have become financially dependent I want to leave.

Sometimes I fantasize about just leaving him, everyone and everything behind--I feel like deleting the person I am and just adopting another persona. However, I do not have the money to do this. So I am stuck.

I could leave and move in with a family member--but I am afraid if I do leave my husband will stalk me and bring drama to my fam's door. I refuse to live in shelter and do not have the means to live on my own. The only way I can support myself (until I get a job) is by stripping---and I am just not around for that right now.

I thought about calling my former "sponsor," and moving to Florida with him but I don't want to do that either. I want to be financially independent and emotionally sound and I do not think being a stripper or a sugar baby will help me long term emotionally or financially.

I am just stuck. I am beginning to feel hopeless. I am fighting hard not to be depressed and lay around all day but it is getting harder. I feel so alone. I feel so frustrated at myself for falling in love with someone I knew deep in my heart had the capacity to and would hurt me---over and over.


If you read this thank you....and sorry that I went on a tangent. Any feedback or encouragement is welcomed!!!! Thanks

Phoenix: My cousin is also getting a divorce after just two years. He was using her financially. My heart goes out to you.

You are much to young to even consider staying in this relationship. The physical, mental and emotional abuse will only continue and get worse.. I know you want to stand on your own two feet financially and I applaud that. However getting a little help to reach that point sounds like what would be in your best interest. There is no shame in getting help to get out of a bad situation. Whatever bad feelings you might have while trying to get to the point of standing on your own feet are nothing compared to a lifetime of bad feelings you will have if you stay in this marriage. Talk to the family member about your concerns about being stalked. I gather the Sponsor would be a Sugar Daddy so skip that. Look into getting into a shelter. Start looking for a job now. If you are worried about being stalked by your husband look outside your state. Maybe the family member or sponsor can help you move away. If it make you feel better to plan on paying them back if they help you financially. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself in a better place.
Wishing you the best but only you can make that happen.