Married for about 25-years w 3-kids (2-grown & a 15-yo still home). I got sick last 10-yrs of marriage w dibilitating autoimmune probs. Husband decided vows were "in health, I'll act married & in sickness, I'll sleep w our neighbors". Felt trapped for years, not financially, but because I wasn't healthy enuf to take care of youngest child. Last cheat, was the last cheat - he'd been using my son as the chaperone to try to hide relationships, his drinking & anger had gotten worse & he was bringing girlfriends to our house, pretending they were just friends. Finally found photos to prove his cheating. Kicked him out 1.5 yrs ago. After a brief stay w his parents, he moved in w his new love in her house on the corner of my street. Had gotten to a better place in my head, realizing how much better my life was not living w him, somehow worked out divorce agreement w him w/out lawyers, and needed the divorce for sanity reasons - to not feel gross, disgusting & dirty from his years of cheating w very sketchy women.
Ready to file my divorce & right before he got a screening health exam & found out he had cancer. Somehow, even though he'd had 2 open enrollment periods at work, he never bothered to get his own health insurance. So, the jerk had my 22-yr old daughter to ask me to keep him on my insurance - cuz omg poor daddy is sick. Initially it was stage 1, so I agreed to hold off filing - in my state when the divorce is approved, he's no longer eligible for my benefits. I agreed because it should've been treatable in 3-6 months. As of Monday's surgery, he now has Stage 4 cancer w a 12% 5-year survival rate. So now, I'm a monster to my kids if I file my divorce, and am supposed to continue with my life on hold for the however many years of treatment, while he live see his nasty girlfriend on my street corner. Oh, and btw, I'm now supposed to be Ok w my kids venerating the dirty wh$!e he's living with because she magically became a good person for supporting him emotionally.
Angry & frustrated & trapped - if I take care of myself, I'm evil & vindictive and my kids will think I want the jerk dead ... I get there worry & fear, but feel like I don't matter
My biggest question is are you willing to damage your relationship with your kids to make him pay for cheating on you? Granted the whole situation SUCKS. I get that you want no part of providing for him while he is living with his new love interest. Think about the example you want to set for your kids. Is marriage "Till death do us part", "In sickness and in health"or is it just till he ****** my off more then I want to deal with. Are you in a hurry to find someone else to spend the rest of your life with? You deserve to be happy. Only you can say what that will take. Think it through and decide what will be best for you in the long run.