Good afternoon everyone. I am writing for some direction and advice, and support. Last week I unexpectedly came across divorce papers my husband filed. It turns out he filed them almost 2 months ago. He never had me served. I don't know what to think. I heard through the grape vine that he was trying to figure out "if it was worth pursuing"....I don't know how else to interpret that except to mean if it was worth it financially. At the court house they told me basically- that I can "act as though nothing happened" . Because he has not served me there is no court date and nothing can happen till he makes a move.
We had a lot of problems and there are/were a lot of things very wrong. Its a very complicated situation that would take me a long time to write....at first I asked/hoped that he would change his mind....he ended up initiating sex several times this week, and hoping it might have made a difference i went along with it. Then , his mood shifts dramatically a lot and the next thing I know he's telling me he will kick me out of the house if he can, and he's following me around with his cell phone taping my every move to try to set me up as an unfit mother. Not to sound paranoid, but its like he's out to get me.
I have been with him over 20 years- since i was a teenager. I don't know life without him. Im scared. Part of me loves him still and part of me is disgusted by the way he is handling things. This morning within 5 minutes he went from telling me that he would serve me this week, to changing his mind a minute later and saying he thinks he will take his time,,,,a very "long time".
My mind is just spun, anxiety through the roof. And of course, that is his goal. I don't want a divorce more than anything because he is very manipulative and calculating- he has a lot of money and has clearly been planning things for many months now that i am only "just" becoming aware of......
Lost: Your husband sounds very unstable/stressed. I would contact a Family Lawyer ASAP. Sometimes the first visit is free. The fact that he knows if he files he is going to be out some money is driving this. He knows if he gets custody, he will not have to pay child support so he is filming........very cruel, then he changed his mind knowing if he files/has filed, he may not get custody and will have to pay. My ex tried to kick me out of the house, too. They do this to try and get the upper hand in the divorce. My ex planned to leave nine years in advance. My heart goes out to you. He is trying to build a case against you so he will not be out so much money in the divorce process. Sounds like he has already been to see a Lawyer. Child Support laws are strict these days. If you are not already working, you will probably have to work. You will probably receive transitional spousal support until you find work if you can work. I would consider calling the Domestic Violence Hotline and tell them what you wrote here. Please do not get back into bed with him if divorce is planned.