So 2 days ago I got divorced from the man I've been with since 2008. We had a rough start. We started dating when we were both fresh out of a marriage. It was fun. I was only 21 and he was 27. I got pregnant 2 months later and when I told him the news, I found out I was not the only woman he was seeing and he flipped out about how he didn't want to be tied down or ready to be a dad. He came around after a few days and we got together exclusively. The first 2 years were rough. But we made it through. I was in love with him, but he had to learn to love me. At some point he did and we became happy. Fast forward yrs later and more kids and bills and life. We got to the point where there was no sexual intimacy. We had sex once a year. We were cute with eachother tho. We had our own cute thing that replaced the sexual intimacy. But over time it became not enough for me. I would pester him to be intimate and it never went anywhere. After a few years of this I grew bitter. My self esteem plummeted. He turned to porn instead of his wife. I never understood. Here i was willing and he wasn't interested. So I sought the attention of male friends. Nothing sexual just someone to confide in. It was nice being complimented. My husband is truely an amazing man. He's a great dad and he took care of things without being asked around the house. He is a hopeless romantic when he wants to be. I was sooooo comfortable. But I felt like my husband was gone. My partner, the boy i was crazy about. He was not there. So i get to the end of 2015. I'm telling him I'm not happy. I ask him for therapy, counseling, open marriage.. anything. I was sinking. I was lonely. I needed to feel again. He didn't listen. In November his friend and I started talking. It was innocent at first. It turned serious in January. At that time I was trying to figure out how to tell him. He ended up finding out. And he took it gracefully. I guess that is why I'm so confused. He tells me he is deeply in love with me, didn't want the divorce, didn't want us to end. But he didn't try anything to fix what was broken. And even after I left him, I expected him to try. He didn't. We divorced civilly with a seperation agreement. Co parenting and joint custody. We get along amazing when me and my new boyfriend-his friend- aren't together in the same place. I cry so much bc I never wanted to be divorced again. I wanted him to be it. But we got so caught up with bills and kids and life. We lost eachother. And I couldn't get it back on my own. Now I'm deeply in love with two men. My boyfriend brought the life back to me, helped my self esteem, makes me smile just because. I forgot what that was like. We have so much in common-were only 2 yrs apart. We both have kids but we also make time for just us-something my ex husband and I never did. Their friendship is strained but held up so far. I just hate seeing my ex in so much pain. I hide mine and cry when I'm not around anyone. I break down at work. I still care about him and never wanted to hurt him. But I feel like I should be happy to. How do I deal with all these emotions at once. When I'm with my boyfriend I forget all my pain. He's understanding to how I'm feeling and he's patient with it. I know people will say that I moved on to quick. You're right. I did. I never wanted to fall for someone else or jump right into something. But he hit me like a ton of bricks. And now I'm smitten by the man he is- his talents, his passions, his smile, his background, his touch, his family. How do I process this.. loving both men, in different ways.