While ex and I were separated he started seeing his now current wife, and after 4 months of seeing her he moved her and her 25 year old son into his 2 bedroom apt (they lived 8 hours away). I refused to let my kids (one being my 12 year old daughter) spend the night until I met the girlfriend and her son. Neither my ex nor the girlfriend understood why I wouldn't let my daughter spend the night. They refused to meet me until we came to a legal agreement that he couldn't have the kids for Thanksgiving until I met the girlfriend and son. We met for about 30 minutes, all of us talked to each other, and it wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it would be. It seemed like we would actually all be able to get along and co-parent. Since that meeting she refuses to acknowledge me. She looks right at me while in the car in my driveway, I wave and smile at her and she doesn't smile, nod, wave, or anything. Just stares right through me. I ran into my ex and her at a school function. He and I talked with her standing right there. I tried to include her in the conversation but she refused to say anything. I am wondering why she would have this reaction to me. I would think I should be the one to not want to have anything to do with her but it is the other way around. This is her third affair and marriage and she has raised step-kids before. So all of this is not new to her. I am trying to take the high road but this has been going on for 8 months now and I know she isn't going to change. I work with people all the time where neither of us likes each other and we know it, but we put that aside to get the job done. I hate my ex but I still smile and talk to him even though he refuses to co-parent or communicate. So my frustration with her isn't that I need her to like me. I could care less if she likes me or not. I'm just wondering what would cause her to act as if I don’t exist. I just don’t understand so any insight would be helpful. Thanks.
KK: It seems like she just wanted to have an initial talk with you and does not want further contact and has stopped it because she wants to avoid any potential drama/awkwardness. She may have had this in the past. Shame on her that this is her 3rd affair. You would think she would have learned not to do it after the first one! It seems like you have gone out of your way to approach her in a friendly way and not many in your situation would do that. My Lawyer told me not to involve myself in my ex's personal life. As long as you feel your kids are safe and they get along with her. She could, at least, wave back even if she doesn't want to talk. You were the better person in this case. I hope you have a visitation agreement/custody agreement in writing. If anything inappropriate comes up with regard to her and your children or your ex or custody/visitation/moving issues arise, I would urge you to contact a Family Lawyer. They are best when kids are involved. You will not have to deal with her once the kids are grown if she continues this attitude. Best wishes!
My guess is that since you refused to let your kids spend the night until you meet them she felt like you felt the people she cares about the most (your ex and her child)weren't good enough for your children. If you can tell her to her face about something anyone is that household did that you appreciated because it meant something to your child I would be willing to bet it would break the ice.