I been there myself, but married 23 years. I just asked myself one day, Do I want to risk staying in this marriage and when when I get 85 years old and REGRET staying and being miserable? So I just left, and filed. I was 48 at the the time and so glad I did it. I am now 58. My ex was a great father, but had issues of drinking, smoking and telling me what I can and cannot do---23 years of that was enough.
You can seek all the professional help and get friends' advice all you want but what it all comes down to is your happiness. And no therapist is going to help you find happiness in a place you aren't happy, no matter how good he/she is or how much it cost.
I think couples' counseling is a good idea...I left after 31 years......the x was an abuser, and it took me that long, because I was afraid of being alone.
One sentence did it for me: "Try to let the side of you that is trying to save yourself.....win." The unknown with anything is so scary, I know.
You are the only one who can make the decision. xo
P.S. If he truly loved/cared about you he would agree to counseling....whatever might help....he should want to do that..sounds spoiled...if you leave you can't come back? Making it all about HIM.
Frankie: The fact that he will not seek counseling indicates to me that he, too, has checked out of the marriage. My parents divorced when I was a teen. My ex left after our daughter turned 18 at the 21 year mark of our marriage. I was heartbroken as a teen, also, but time heals. I would sit down with the kid(s) (call a family meeting) and tell them (with or without your husband) that you are not happy. There is a lot at stake in a long term marriage like the house (which may be ordered sold), retirement and assets. I recommend you visit a Family Lawyer for a consultation. Sometimes the first visit is free.
I went through the same thing. I was married for many years but I was not happy My parents loved him but there was nothing between us. we never talked or went anywhere. Despite what my friends and family thought I needed to do what was best for me. I did not want to wake up in 10 years having wasted any more time. It was scary and honestly I struggled but I am now the happiest I have ever been.