I have been divorced for 15 years. I have 2 sons from this marriage. They are 23 and 16.

As long as I am happy and agree with everything he says and all decisions he makes, there are no problems.

BUT, if I speak up and voice my opinion or (heaven forbid) disagree with a situation and am concerned about my sons, he turns ugly. He bad mouths me to my sons and will not talk to me. A week ago he talked to me for the first time in a year. My 15 year-old had to relay information to me.

My boys have primarily lived with their dad because my boys were struggling with the whole visitation schedule. Their dad is re-married and they have two really good incomes. I am single and do not make much. I have degenerative arthritis in my back, am in pain and cannot work a second job on top of the one I have. I cannot afford to spend the kind of money my ex does. I pay for things as I am able. My ex tells my sons about everything he pays for and what I don't.

I spend every other weekend picking up my 16 year-old, taking him to eat, movies, etc. We go over to my 23 year-old's place and spend time with him. I have been to all my boys football games, band concerts, science fairs,etc.

My sons are now angry with me and think I don't care and have never been there for them. I just don't understand. I don't know what to do.

I am so sorry. I believe the only thing you can do.....is be honest with your sons; they are old enough. You don't need to bad mouth your x (that will only alienate them more).

Sit them down calmly and quietly, and ask them why they are angry. Explain that you don't have the money you would like to spend on them, and that you are doing your best...that is all anyone can do.

You spend a lot of time with them; they should be SO appreciative that you do all that you do, with little money and in pain.

They are WAY old enough to understand your situation; they should be grateful!

You can only tell them the truth and then they get to decide what to do with it.

Hopefully, they might get a glimmer of what you go through; if not then shame on them......eventually, they will understand...I hope....you sound like a lovely woman and a wonderful mom! xo

Michelle: I totally agree with what Nicole wrote. I was divorced in 2009. Our daughter is 27 now. He got drunk on several occasions and bad mouthed me to our daughter. She typed it on her laptop and questioned me. I told her he was drunk. My brother has helped out when it comes to our daughter, giving advice. My heart goes out to you. I got alimony for a while because of my back issues - wondering if you are, too. It is a good idea to shop at thrift shops and visit your local food pantry since money is tight. I text my ex when it concerns our daughter or when a family member dies. It is better to have minimal contact with these bully types and when your teen son turns 18 I recommend having less contact so your feelings don't get hurt. Many posters on this forum only contact their ex's when it concerns the kids or something urgent. Best wishes. What you are experiencing is called "parental alienation". Other posters on this forum have experienced it and the former spouse turns the kids away from the ex wife for no good reason other than to pump up their egos and abuse.