I have been not completely happy in my marriage for some time. My hubby and I are so different from each other. At first when we met we went out dancing and had great sex. Fast forward 20 years. We have a 16 year old daughter that is an 8 year cancer survivor. After she got better I want to rekindle the spark but he didn't want to try anything new. Went through counseling but after 6 months I realize that he want going to try anything new. I kayak and bike without him but he is okay with that. I feel bad because he has given me so much in life, a stable home and the freedom to do things I want. However, sexually is not fulfilling what I want and need. I realize that he can't. I do care about him and our daughter. I do not want to hurt him or my daughter. I feel sad everyday for wanting a divorce.
Yes, I have fund someone else that likes to do the things I like to do. He is fun and fulfills my needs that my husband will not do. My lover doesn't pressure me to leave and understands that I need to stay. I want to become more independent finically since I have stayed home to raise my daughter and didn't work outside the home. My husband works many hours and I have been left to raise our daughter a majority of the time by myself.
My husband has given me so much in life, a stable home, safety and security.
I feel selfish for wanting a divorce. I still care and love him, but not attracted to him sexually. My family would be disappointed if I divorced and would not understand why I am doing this because to them he is the perfect husband. I hate myself for wanting more. My lover gives me excitement and we do many things my hubby would never do, simple things such as sitting outside a camp fire and going kayaking.
I get so sad over this and do not know what to do. I care for my husband but I am not in love with him anymore.
I just do not know what to do anymore.