I know how you feel. I was married to a verbal abuser for 31 years......then I found the book which saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.......I think it would help you...being abused is literally brainwashing and it is all so confusing.
I stayed so long because of the fear of being alone.It has been 14 years, and I still am lonely, but I try to do things I like; I am 69 now and retiring soon.
All of your questions are the ones I asked myself. Unfortunately, there aren't any answers.....grieving/loss...it all takes as long as it takes.
Are there any divorce support groups im your area? All it takes is one friend who is experiencing what you are.....and it will be wonderfully supportive.
I know how much it hurts. If you would like someone to talk to.... carleton@oakland.edu
I just read your chat. I'm still in process of getting divorced. We were really getting along good and he wanted to rekindle are love ( honey moon stage only). He has started to go back to his old self. I tell people ( I love him, but NOT in love with him)
Just read your post. My husband is bi polar also. After he had heart surgery he changed completely. He never wants to work, and could care less about our relationship, let alone paying the bills. I am so scared to live my life alone. We have been married for 32 years.
RL: I dated a person who was bipolar after my divorce. He was ok on meds., but had spent so much of his life off them...his ex wife couldn't take it and filed after he moved out. Sounds like enough damage has been done to you already with the drinking and verbal abuse. Spend time with supportive friends and/or family and I would recommend getting a consultation with a Lawyer to see what is at stake should you divorce.
You need to be upfront with your partner and actually tell him how you feel. Your husband is not a mind reader and he will continue to do the things he is doing until you talk to him. My friend had a similar issue with her boyfriend in the beginning of a relationship, and they had no idea until she spoke to him about how she felt. To have a successful relationship, open communication and trust is a must have. If you feel that you can't speak to them about how you feel, maybe this isn't the right relationship for you and you should find the best match, check here and find the person who are like-minded.