I received divorce decree on March 2. I mistakenly thought that once I was away from him and his constant negativity, I would be fine. I'm not. I've been told that I am grieving the loss of my 40 year marriage. Never antipicated that! Plus there are times that I am so very, very lonely. There is a huge void inside of me. I wish I could find a fast forward button to be free of all of this pain. I still have a lot of anger toward him as well. I tried so very hard to make him happy, but he simply wasn't a happy person. I have so many why questions. Why didn't he care enough to work to save the marriage? Why didn't he love me more? Why was everything I tried to do never enough? Why didn't he value me? Why? Why? Why?
Look inward. We tend to blame ex-husbands for all our problems, both pre- and post- separation. Although I suppose you could be the exception, rarely is conflict that lopsided. I know modern western culture (i.e. Hollywood) tends to demonize husbands and make wives out to be saints, but that's a politically correct fantasy designed to sell movies, magazines, and Dr. Phil episodes. It's rarely that simple. If you want to adopt that cop-out, you'll wallow in the same negativity that you blame your ex for. Seek out professional help and be open to accepting responsibility for the fate of the relationship. Only then can you move on.
Linda,
My divorce was final on March 2, 2015 and I was married for 25 years and had the same thoughts as you. I worked really hard for many years to hold my marriage together until I looked up and I saw I was fighting a battle alone. I wonder still why he didn't fight for me. That thought enters my head less as time moves on. I wanted time to speed up so I would not be in so much pain but I'm sad to say only the passage of time is going to help. It's been a year and a half since my divorce and I still have days I am sad about the way my marriage ended(I feel I should have been treated with respect) but I'm not sad that it did end. I was still living at home when I got married so I never lived on my own until now. I am loving living alone surrounded by things that I love. I took no reminders of my married and that has helped me. You will start to feel better and see less and less sad days. I journal my thoughts, maybe journaling can be helpful to you too.
Brandi