This is going to sound crazy! Yesterday was our one year anniversary of marriage, however we are going through a divorce. We met in tech school for the military and were sure we were the ones for each other forever. He is four years younger than me and we were raised on opposite ends of the spectrum. He became verbally and emotionally abusive as time went on. He decided he wanted a divorce a couple months ago, however I would have done anything to make us work. We even went to marriage counseling. We have signed the papers to send to court for an uncontested divorce but we both wish that this situation wasn't happening. He is realizing now (too late, I suppose) the things he should have done differently. Even though our marriage was never "normal", I would rather be with him and make it work rather than divorce. I'm only 24 and I'm already going through a divorce and it's hard talking to people who know the situation completely because it's always "oh, you're better off" or "you have so much time to find someone else." When I said my vows, I meant them and I would have and still would do anything to save my marriage. As a child of divorce, I never wanted to be another statistic. I'm hurting and I need advice from other women who understand how it feels to know you're better off, but how hard it is to let go. I haven't been married long like most of you, but I feel like it's all similar pain. I need help coping with this reality and realizing it's not just a nightmare.
Trying: Yeah, it does seem like a nightmare - divorce. I am also a child of divorce (I was 19 and my brother was 17). I would recommend counseling if you have insurance to cover it or pastoral counseling if you belong to a church and want that.
This may not be what you want to hear. You say you would do anything to save your marriage. You also say he is realizing now the things he should have done differently. But what you don't say is anything about admitting your own culpability in the relationship difficulties. Relationship issues are rarely a one way street and in western society it's become easy to blame men. Until you take responsibility and acknowledge your part, you won't grow. It sounds like he has already acknowledged, learned and is moving on.
If you are not yet divorced you might look into a program by Mort Fetel. I don't work for him nor do I get anything from recommending him (you can find his program under Marriage Fitness). I would recommend this for anyone who is considering marriage or their marriage is on the rocks. I only wish I would have found it sooner, then maybe I wouldn't be divorced now. I am not giving up yet on reoonnecting with my ex, and I have to say this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. They say God only gives us what we can bear and I have learned one thing. It is both your faults but blame only pushes you farther apart. Get the free emails from Marriage Fitness to see if it's for you. Bless you and hugs.