Donna: You had asked how our daughter took the divorce. She just told her friends there was drama at the house (although we didn't argue, he just got drunk and brought up past events with me and my daughter and himself and talked to her and he exaggerated/omitted the reasons why things happened the way they did). She had typed the conversation into the lap top and questioned me. I just told her he was drunk and I did not remember a little of what she typed because it was so long ago. She had known he was drunk. She was 18 at the time. She questioned my role in the divorce happening because he left. He had not been home until about 9 or 10 each night during the whole marriage and I always had to explain it to him that our adult medical facility didn't take kids and that they had a separate pediatric place and he'd never been there/taken her so when I insisted he help and take her to a medical facility just once, he objected to that "I work" was always his answer to not doing things around the house, too, unless it was a 3 day weekend (she typed about the medical incident on the laptop when he talked trash to her about us when he was drunk) (old school mentality we were dealing with and he had Asperger's). It was difficult for me because once she told her friends, they, told their parents and it was the end of all privacy for us. I should have left the marriage very early on before having a child with him (she was planned), but I felt I had nowhere to go. I just told our daughter the best thing that came out of the marriage was her. I was 23 when we married, he was 32. I had her when I was 26. He started drinking at the end of the marriage and when he left I urged him to take care of himself.
Donna,
Try and remember that while your son is an adult, he is still your child and should not be brought into personal conversations/ arguments between you and your husband. I hope you have a good support system with family, friends, coworkers, but your son should not be one of your confidants. It may be tough, but I bet after the initial shock, your son may realize that your separation/ divorce is not too surprising. I hope everything works out as best it can.
Kelly