I am 58. Have been married for 37 years. I found out my husband was into porn 7 years after we we married. I found a p o box key, and a separate credit card when I accidentally washed his wallet in a load of clothes. When confronted, he admitted to going to strip clubs when he was out of town and having porn sent to a p o box.
He asked for forgiveness and went to some counseling with our pastor at the time. He is extremely religious and says he feels alone and anxious and that is why he turns to porn.
Forward 30 years later. He is still using porn and we have no sex life now. I do not love, respect or trust him after having been lied to for years. He continues to tell me he loves me and that he will never leave. I stayed at home and raised our children who are all grown now. I do not have a job but I am looking for one but I know I will not make enough money to support myself or have medical insurance. I feel like I am in marriage prison. I am tired of living this way. I feel so alone, he has church and his church friends and I have no one. I no longer go to church.
Sherry: In a long marriage like this, you would certainly be awarded alimony if he is still working, and, probably his Social Security after he passes. It is hard to find work in your late 50s, (I'm 54, was divorced in my late 40s), but I have seen older women working in retail stores. I am on Obamacare because his Employer would not cover me due to divorce. Talk to someone at your local women's services center and/or ask the Bar Association if there is anyone giving "pro bono" (free) legal help over the phone. Research the divorce and alimony laws on line in this web site and others. My ex was a frequent customer at Hooters and strip clubs so my heart goes out to you. Our daughter was 18 at the time he left. See if there is someone at your local hospital or health clinic you can talk to about Obamacare.
Hi I would like to find out if during the separation my spouse put a buiness of a friends in his name. Can I go back and still get part of it after the divorce is final.
Its unlikely if your separation date was already established. I'm sure he got legal advice on this anyway.
Let me give you an example, you get separated and then you leave and go buy a new house to live in post-divorce. Your ex would not be eligible for any split of that asset because your separation date was established and anything bought after that time isn't part of your divorce claim.
So no, its not probable that you could go after his friend's business. And, on another note, why would you want to. Marital assets splits are related to shared income earned during a marriage...this wouldn't apply. It seems rather predatory to be interested in even pursuing this.
My ex always had magazines stashed in the garage. Claimed to be God fearing but never attended church unless it was Easter and Christmas, maybe a few days during the year. I don't know your extreme but I can tell you that you stayed with him all these years because you Loved him. And honestly, may still. It is the hurt, lies and deception now. You can't change people, God is the only one.
Without being selfish you have to take care of yourself. Go back to Church if that is where you gain your strength. It doesn't have to be the church that he attends. But find one that won't cause division, simply gives you strength.
I don't want to over step my grounds so I will tread lightly & I don't want to give guilt. Seek good counseling about how you feel with him (in bedroom, looking at him), your dreams/expectations. A good counselor/honest friend will shed light on how you and he feels.
You might find work, even part-time, if you branch to a new Church or group of Godly friends. One step at a time but figure out your goal. Do you want a divorce? Don't be persuaded by other to do something that goes against who you are or God. Soul search before making decisions. Don't make rash decision but when something comes your way find your safe quite space and go seeking answers. Think through pros & cons carefully.