I am a 53 year old female trying to get a divorce after 30 years of marriage. It has been a miserable marriage and only a business arrangement the last 10 yrs. Each of us thought we needed each other financially, even though I make more money, have maintained a job (sometimes two) and pay the majority of the bills I did not think I could make it on my own.
About 10 months ago I got suspicious when he received a call and he like to have killed himself to get to the phone and try to keep me from seeing. He passed it off as a business matter. Yeah, at 11 am on a Saturday. I actually saw the picture of the woman and name. Then in June I noticed calls on his phone bill. I had access to his phone bill because I made the payments electronically. I only noticed because I was checking to see what we needed to pay because I new we were behind on the billing. After staying up over 24 hours, I reviewed phone bills from June 2016 back to December 2014. I cannot begin to tell you the numerous numbers he was calling and spending up to four hours at a time (he drives a truck). When he was home Sometimes the calls were conducted while I slept after a 12 hour shift. I did more research and found his tablet which he had not password protected and left the login information to a chat site. He chatted with several and made comments about meeting up.Oh, he listed himself as single. There was one telephone number that was called constantly and lasted for hours. I made copies of everything that I could, saving to my computer and email. I got all my information together and consulted a lawyer.
I confronted my husband with everything I knew and had documentation about. He did admit that he was in love with, we will call her Maddie, and I also had documentation that he had purchased a $300+ gas grill and it is at her house. I had documentation that he had purchased an auto part for another chat site woman. This is the same week I was out of town and he alleged that he had no check to deposit for bills because the next week because he had to fix his car. Phone records show him in the vicinity of Maddie's hometown during this same week. He swears that he had only had dinner with her twice, but he is in love with her??? He does not feel like he is cheating or betraying me with the chats and calls, especially since we do not have an intimate relationship. To me if you are hiding it then it is cheating.
Needless to say it was a long weekend where I aired all his dirty laundry and told him there would be a divorce. He could choose to have uncontested or contested. He chose uncontested. He threatened to notify the cellular company and the chat site (I sat up a fake account to chat with him) about my actions. I told him he could go there if he wanted but I did not think either would do anything. However, if he did I told him to be prepared for contested divorce and I would subpoena the women, especially Maddie.
He continues to chat and call women. I know this just because I know how he is and he has thrown up tidbits about women's job and money they make, weather at so and so place, etc.
I am not jealous any woman can have him, I got to the point in the marriage where I could not stand him to touch me. Mainly because he did not try to help the marriage financially. He would quit jobs at the drop of a hat and take months to get another.I have no retirement left because I have had to cash in to keep what we have. I feel like he wanted to play while I payed. Who knows how long he would have allowed this arrangement to go on. I was faithful even though there was no relationship. I believed we were married until there was a divorce. I told him he could have asked for a divorce if he wanted to be with Maddie. Before we got married he had found his first wife in bed with a friend. I told him I would not do that to him, if I wanted to be with someone else, I would ask for divorce. I expected the same respect back. I feel like I am so stupid and a fool to not realize what was going on. Apparently this has been going on since 2013. As I told him I am not as upset about his lying, but the insult to my intelligence to figure it out. He is such a good liar. However, recently his stories are contradicting each other. I guess he has told so many he cannot keep the "facts" straight.
As I mentioned that was 10 months ago, and he does feel guilty, he has not attended any family dinners or functions. However, he has not come up with his part of the fee to file the divorce. I have my half saved to file the papers. I reminded him the other night that he needed to be coming up with his part of the fee. He asked how much but that was all. He has a couple of vehicles that are in my name because he had bad credit. I may have to sell them, he has made no attempt to get in his name. I want to file the paperwork by the end of January. A loan of the money has been made by a relative. I do not want to do that I may have to resort to assistance. I feel like he thinks I am bluffing but I am not this time. I want out, I am so unhappy, going to counseling, depressed, even said I would file bankruptcy if necessary and cry a lot. As I said I do not love him, he is the father of my daughter, I just still have trouble believing how he used me.
I still remain faithful, but that is no problem, I am 53 and not attractive. I never want to get married again, but there are times I think about having someone to do things with like dances and dinners that are for couples.

Thanks for letting me vent and I am open to any advice or similar stories.

Virginia