Hello! I don't even not where to start. I have been living in Us for over 30 years. My only family I have here is my 2 kids. I married a Muslim 17 years ago. until now I have started to see some light of so many mysteries in my marriage. By the second time I when out on a date with him he asked if I was legal in this country I told him I was a US citizen. (he had visa only and worried about his company not giving him his Green card. I'm Catholic and at time I didn't know nothing or never heard the word Muslim. I told some friends about him and they immediately tried to stopped me from seen him. I continue to go out with him because he was there knocking on my door. 3 month later he asked me to married him and we did. Soon after the marriage I started to noticed he didn't walk next to me or being so exited about me, except he demanded sex very often. Soon I broke the news to him I was pregnant and I shocked him. His face change and he recovered later on and later he showed excitement. When my son was born I saw his changes more and more like neglecting me. I started to get depressed and my mood changed. I found my self sad and started to developed pain all over my body. Shortly after I got pregnant again with my daughter and I started to experience the worse post partum depression suicide was on my mind everyday. My husband turn his back on me, from here on I became sick with pain diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I developed anger towards him and I stared to say bad words to him, my anger and frustration with him was beyond anything. We have gone through hell for 17 years. For the last 15 years he has not gone out with me anywhere, he is nice to others but not me I have been so sick in bed, he doesn't care. Looking back I think he was hopping for me to die but his wishes had not come true. I love my kids like no other mother does and he also loves them, he tells me often I'm here for the kids. He puts me down and sees me like I'm nothing, he doesn't even say nothing on my birthday or any other holidays. He ignores me all the time and I have ask him if he is with someone and denies it and gets really angry. I don't even know where to start because divorce is on the table and my son ask us to please not to divorce. We live in the same house but I feel trap and hated by him everyday, I make my own money he doesn't pay for anything on mine. I'm 53 years old and I feel like I will die without my kids once the divorce is set. We went to counseling and he told the counselor that by the kids being catholic was his big regret. We have big fights over religion. I have become to no care about life anymore, it's so bad that I have come to look forward the day I leave this world. He blames me for everything that I'm the bad one. He now has gone to his family and treat his family like if they are some type of God. 2016 has been hell is the year that I have been really sick and very miserable, some days I go to work in horrible pain, the pain is with me 24 hours. I'm terrified to die alone because I don't have anyone. My kids are still young and are having a hard time understanding anything. I feel really lost. I have come to truly questions why am I here. I wish some one can tell any Cristian thinking to marry a Muslim man that they are for a bumping ride in their life. I will write 100s of pages to tell you the things that I have experienced by being married to a Muslim man. Rejections and feeling like that I'm the worse creature in this world is how I have felt for 15 years. I can't get out of this dark hole. I pray everyday and seems like I walk further and further away from God. This man worship the women of his kind and religion I found his FB page were he has never mention my name, but talks to women everyday. Until 3 weeks ago he demanded sex with me soundly he stopped and become mean and started to called me names. I don't even know where to go I have not saved any money because he controlled my money all the time, every time I got paid he drained his accounts and told me I don't have money you need to deposit money into my account, and I did. Right now he is furious because I told him I'm not cooking and cleaning for him anymore. I have not being a saint. my sin is my anger and when he ignores me and talks to other woman nice I tell him bad words. I have been faithful to him I don't believe he has. How do I get out here? I'm walking in darkness.

Judith: I would call your nearest women's and children's services center and/or the domestic violence hotline for help or go to counseling.

Judith,
I can exactly understand your word of being lost. Being married these many years in a situation like this, you have self destroyed yourself for a very long time. But its never too late. You have to start to understand yourself and the reality surrounding you.
Counselling and therapists can help you and guide you. But its you, who have to take response about your life as well as your well being.
Saying is lot easier than being done. I myself came to this forum when i felt like i'm lost. Its not at all easy to get out of what a messed up state we are in. But before trying to do anything, you have to first start thinking who you are, what you want to be, what type of life you want to give your kids.
Keep asking all such type of questions to yourself until you find an answer what you really want to do with your life. Once you realize that, you have to keep moving on with whatever it takes for betterment of your life.
Start from seeking a good therapist help.
And above all, you have to understand whatever emotions you are going through is completely normal. Whether it is anger or tears or how you feel you are in a dark. You don't have to be a saint and accept yourself that you are a normal human being. Don't lose trust in God and never lose hope on yourself.

I have to say that there is a cultural difference that is very difficult to overcome. I married a Hindu which do consider better then having been a Muslim and life has not been as difficult for me as yours has been, but there are similarities. Just need to focus your internal strength and leave.