Hi everyone, back on January 10th I found out that my husband was having an affair. At that very moment, my world came crashing down and I thought that I could "fix" what was wrong with our marriage. Now, 2 months into this mess, I have come to realize that that will never happen and I have begun not loving him as I once did. Over these two month I have found evidence that he has been cheating for the past two years and had planned on continuing the lie for another three years until I retired from my job. Then he would have moved me to another state that I had been wanting to move to and leave me! Honestly, I was shocked that he didn't love me anymore, he was a great actor pretending to be the wonderful husband he had been and not giving me any reason to think or believe differently. I finally went to a lawyer the other day to discuss the process involved, in my state they are no fault divorces, so I cannot really get him on infidelity because I need to prove he had sex with her. How the heck am I going to do that...take pictures? But the following day we sat down and discussed the finances to divide up, I found the strength to stand up for what I wanted and let him know that I was going to be compensated for 33 years of marriage together. I need to look out for myself, he isn't. I need to protect my future...he certainly didn't think he needed to.
I am working my way through the feelings and find that I love him less and less with each passing day. He has made it completely easy to do that as he sits next to me on the sofa texting his girlfriend and going away for weekends or over nights with her. Yes, he is still living in our house, I found out that I cannot legally kick him out in my state without a court order and it has to be because he is violent with me or destroying the house. And why should I be the one to leave, I'm not the one having the affair.
Lisa: I am sorry about what happened. My ex had been, in many ways, planning ahead to divorce me for nine years (long story). If your husband has enough money to, he should move out to spare you. Makes me wonder why he hasn't moved in with his girlfriend.
Hi Lisa,
I feel your pain. I decided that I had enough of my husband's verbal and emotional abuse, and after trying to reconcile, called it quits. Like you, I could not kick him out of the house, and he would not leave. I could not leave the house, as it might be construed as abandoning our kids. So we lived in the same house for three months. A month after he begged and pleaded to stay with him, and telling me how much he loved me, he found another girl online with a readymade family. He has since been staying over at her house much like you described while I stay home with our kids. He lied to me and to our kids about having to "work" over the holidays, when really he made plans to spend the day wining and dining his new friend, and leaving his kids at home. It was very hurtful to live in the same house as someone who thinks they are playing you for a fool while they go out and live it up. I felt like the hired help who had to constantly clean up his physical mess and his emotional mess with our kids. He has replaced us, but will not let the kids go because then he would have to pay child support, and he has told me that his kids are "business" to him - that is all. It got easier after we each got our own places, but I'm still having to deal with the immaturity that goes along with a 45 year old man trying to be a teenager again with his girlfriend who is also married. Am I the only one who believes in controlling yourself and acting your age? Nevermind doing what is best for your children?