hi everyone, my husband is an alcoholic. he drinks to about 4 to 5 am each night and then sleeps all day until he gets up to go to the off licience and that is how he spends every day. i have over the years done everything i could think of to try and get him help and to help himself, there is nothing that i havent tried to motivate him and get him interested in something, in life.
i feel like he hates me now and my sister keeps saying when are you gonna put yourself first as he doesnt care about you and one person cannot fix a broken marraige or convince him to get help that he doesnt want. he has been out of the house for several weeks now.
would someone advise me what to do as he has by the looks of it withdrawn his entire pension now and put it in an offshore account, so it wont be taken into account when the courts divide our assets.
im trying to accept that this is the end but if he made any positive attempt to try and stay married, i would try again. everyone is telling me im a fool and do this and do that his pension is a very large amount of money and a solicitor told me that i need to take out an injunction to put a freeze on him moving the pension any further or spending it. i didnt know that since 2014 he could withdraw his whole pension and he never told me that he could. i feel so sorry for him but people are asking me how sorry i will feel if he has managed to hide the money and im a pensioner with no money because i didnt act.
im sorry this post is all over the place and not making a lot of sense but i feel so zonked out and confused as im playing catch up as ive only just found out about all this pension stuff 3 days ago. is there anyone who has gone through something similar to this in any way and is it true that if he has taken the entire pension and put it in an offshore account to keep from having to split it between the 2 of us, is that seen as perjury and fraud and can the courts take a very dim look at what he;s done and penalise him or maybe put him in jail as i dont want that. there is no way he could cope and i dont want to be the one that caused god knows what to happen to him.
apologies for this message as i know its a bit all over the place but if anyone would be wiling to advice me as to what i need to do, or has gone through a similar situation i would be very grateful for any advice you would be kind enough to give me because i havent a clue what to do. pathetic i know the "cliche" wife who left the husband to handle the finances. im just so sad that after being married 25 + years, its come to this. i feel very scared so so sad.
thank you for listening to me.

So first thing. Call and get an appointment with a lawyer. Ask around for referrals and see if anyone knows of one who's handled a divorce with complicated financial matters. Most of them have a 1-hour free consult so you can at least go in and ask some questions and get a feel for who/how the lawyer is. A lawyer is probably going to recommend a forensic accountant...and that can get very expensive, so be prepared. You may qualify for legal aid if you don't work...but it takes time to apply, so you're at risk there.

Second thing, scour the house and find any documentation you can find about what was in the account, account numbers, etc. If the account was set-up through his employer, he has a history of paycheck deductions...so you'll be able to show how much was being deducted each month.

Next, stop obsessing over your ex. He clearly doesn't give a crap about you. If he did, he wouldn't be trying to leave you penniless and destitute. You shouldn't have relied on him for money in the first place...but now that you did and you know he is about to try to leave you to starve, you should be worrying about that...not him. My advice is that you get a job...because the divorce process is long and expensive. So you need to have access to cash...either from family members or employment.

And lastly, have a backup plan. You're about to embark on a long, messy divorce process with complicated financial matters. So you need to be prepared for the worst case scenario which is that the money is gone. If it is, what are you going to do? Prepare for the worse and hope for the best. That way you're covered no matter what happens.
What would you have done with your life if you weren't waiting around for Prince Charming to financially fund your adulthood? That's the question you need to ask yourself and start doing that.

Its such a shame so many women are in your position. I'm not sure when women are going to get the message of how amazing it is to have the pride of self-reliance but it can't happen fast enough. If you have girl children, I hope you're teaching them to get educated and employed so they don't end up in your situation.