I've been married for 21 years, 3 kids (20, 18, 16) my husband lies and can try to be manipulative. So we have always had problems with the lies and I'm pretty fed up. After a blow up over the weekend he claims he went to a lawyer and started the process. He also claims that on the advice of this lawyer he took half the money from savings and half from checking. The checking account included $6,000 that was an insurance check to have our roof repaired from a storm. He claims this lawyer told him to take that half too. Once he was able to have an adult conversation with me on Monday evening he threw all this out at me at different times. First the divorce, then the money, later saying he thought I'd already been served. He never gave me the name of this lawyer either and said he had to give her like a $1700 retainer (he claims he will get some of that back minus the work she had already done). Then he called this morning and told me he stopped it. Personally I don't really know what I want. I asked this afternoon if he got to the bank (to put the joint money back in the joint account like he said he would) and he seemed angry about it, said work kept him out of town all day. He took the half to an entirely separate bank instead of just a separate account, again because this is what his lawyer told him.

Does any of this sound off or is this what lawyers do, tell people to take half the money? He claims this is to make sure he can live and rent a place and not be homeless and broke (again the lawyer told him all this). He also made other comments that sounded pretty bad. Like I work for the local govt. and she told him she handles a lot of divorces of employees and they are always cheating. Which I have never done. But that also sounds really unethical, to try to put thoughts in his head. We live in KS, no fault divorce, so I can't see any reason for her to try to convince him I must be cheating based off my employer.

Does any of this sound normal? Or does this sound like some crap stunt my husband pulled to see how I would react? To me it looks like red flags are waving. But I've never gone through this and I've never had anyone really share the details of their divorces. I prefer to live a private life so I'd rather not talk to people I know personally and have rumors start. I just can't help but wonder if his lawyer isn't google, or someone he knows saying do this or she'll screw you and take it all. I may be too involved to look at it from the outside and I feel like all of it is an attack on me and him trying to hurt me. He will take half the money while I keep paying bills so by the time the divorce is done I'll have nothing and he will still have his half (that's where my thought process is).

Please let me know if this sounds normal or if he's just trying to get a head start on screwing me over.

Rebecca M: Where I live the assets are split 50/50. My money was in an account in my name only and he had his own account (we didn't split that money). I got the cottage and he got his retirement (a 50/50 split on paper). By putting his money in a different bank account, he is keeping his options open in case he wants to separate from you and proceed with the divorce in the future. That is my take on it. Should you divorce, I recommend a Family Lawyer. They are good when kids are involved, even if the kids are full-time college students.

But would a lawyer tell him to go do that as a first step? No papers served, nothing filed. Just told him to go take money. Plus he didn't remove himself from the joint account. So he has half of the money and total access to my half as well. Which does not seem right at all.

No, it doesn't sound like something a lawyer would tell him. Asset splits are done based on financial statements. Its highly unlikely a lawyer would advise a litigant to remove money. They might advise them to shut down joint accounts and monitor credit during a divorce...that stuff is pretty standard.

The question I'd be asking if I were you is what difference does it make if he's lying or not? It isn't about what he's doing...its about what you're going to do. No way I'd stay with someone who would remove assets from joint accounts and basically threaten me. You should be seeing your own lawyer. If he isn't divorcing you right at this moment...how long do you think its gonna be?

Protect yourself....see a lawyer.