Hi,
This is my first post to an online chat room and I hope it helps.
I have been married for 28 years and my husband is a narcissist and is now depressed.
I am all about staying through the bad times and understand mental illness since one daughter is bi-polar and the other suffers from depression and anxiety but add that to being a narcissist has just become very bad.
He is mentally abusive and I have come to realize that I need to divorce him. I make too much money for legal aid and he controls the finances so I am going to try and do this on my own.
Has anyone else out there done this and have any suggestions? I live in MN and it is a very very liberal state so I have been googling the laws here to see what I have to do and what I can expect.
My daughters are 18 and 19 and are supportive of me leaving him so that helps a ton.
Thanks for reading!!

Well shoot, the kids are already adults. Unfortunately you can't leverage them for child support. You can still go after alimony, his retirement, and the house. Get him kicked out by making a domestic violence charge - judges almost never allow men to stay in the house if a charge is levied. You won't have to prove it, just claim it.

Hmm really? I can still charge him? I have had to call 911 but did not officially charge him so I wonder what I can do now. I am at my wits end to be honest and so sad to see this happen to us. I have totally fallen out of love for him so my sadness is not for that, just really for my girls.
Thanks for the advice and maybe I will call the police dept and see if I can get a report from when I called 911. Maybe that will help?

lol Dawn...Linda is a pathetic troll and a leech who basically is trying to advocate criminal activity to justify her disgusting laziness.

The reality is that you're highly unlikely to get a police report for an incident now. And even if you did, without a history...it isn't going to matter much to a court. Women like Linda lie about abuse regularly to gain advantage in court and judges now expect it. She's one of those disgusting women that invalid real abuse sufferers because she is willing to lie since she's too lazy to get off her butt and actually work for a living like a decent human being. Ignore her...she is vile and is just spewing garbage.

What is valid is that you are entitled to equalization. Which means, half of all equity gains on assets acquired after marriage and half the marital home belongs to you.

My advice...wait until you have some time alone at home and gather up any financial information you can find. Account numbers, amounts with dates, etc...make copies of everything and put those copies in a safe location out of the marital home....you'll need them later.

Then see a lawyer. Most have an initial free consult. Take any monies you need out of the accounts now because joint accounts will be closed. If you don't have access to the accounts, start making a plan to get some money together. The problem with the court process is that it isn't quick...so you need to have a plan to get you from now until equalization happens.

Talk to people you trust...you'll need support to get you through this...and be aware that he may get very mean when he finds out you're seeing a lawyer and take away all access to resources. So get a plan first...then go to the lawyer. Good luck!

Haha wow, I was kind of surprised at her response so thank you for clarifying all that to me.
I did have to call 911 once but did not file charges since the police came before he hit me. He has been emotionally abusive but I am strong and will not let that get to me! :)
I have collected all the finances as of today since I am seeing a free law clinic today at the local library and all the forms are filled out.
I do have to wait to file though. My husband with his attitude that it is his way or no way was fired 3 weeks ago! I won't file until he finds a job since I refuse to pay him support when I need every penny I will have on my own if that makes sense and does not seem too selfish. I will wait for him to get a job then a month later I will file so I know he is financially stable and that will give me some more time to get financially on my feet too
I just wonder why people change do drastically over the year or why people like me did not see what I see now about him. Makes me sad to close this chapter of my life but I am trying to see it as my past and an opening to my new future!!
Thanks again!

Waiting to file til he has a job - way to play the system for more money! Good work. But it's a statistical anomaly when women pay men support. Not likely something to be concerned about, especially since it sounds like you don't work. Much more likely is his income will be imputed regardless of his current employment status and the judge will make him pay you.

There is nothing at all selfish about expecting adults to be self-respecting grown-ups and support themselves financially.

If he is able-bodied and capable of working, he's also subject to having an income imputed to him...which is pretty common.

You're smart to wait to file and you should absolutely protect the assets that you've earned from an undignified leech.

And I agree, divorce can be a wonderful new beginning...getting divorced was the best thing I ever did. Life just keeps getting better and better and I wish the same thing for you.

Best wishes!!!