Star: My parents divorced when I was 19 and my ex left and divorced me when our daughter was 18. I told her not to get wrapped up in what we were doing and enjoy her life. I wish my parents had told me to do this. If your child is not already in counseling, I suggest this, if you have insurance to cover it, or, if you don't, have her see the guidance counselor at school. I suggest at least getting a consultation with a Family Lawyer. Sometimes the first visit is free. Many times a Judge will order the house sold. A good Lawyer would never recommend you keep a house you cannot afford to maintain. It does not matter if he doesn't want the divorce, if you want it it will happen if you make it.
Hi, visit a lawyer even if you have to pay you'll be paying for one sooner or later. Get your child in counselling if not already. I think living in a home with parents who are not showing love to each other is worse than splitting up. Tell your husband that you plan to sit with your daughter and explain what is happening. He should be able to do this with you and neither of you should blame each other and make sure that you both explain that you both lover your daughter and that it's not her fault at all. Most judges like shared custody because the child gets to visit both parents equally which a child needs to do. She maybe at the age where she can decide who she wants to live with. If she decides to go with you then you'll want to make sure that she visits her dad regularly every other weekend and maybe a day or two per week for a couple hour visit. It will be tough not to say bad things about the ex in front of your child but please do not do this as your child loves you both and the parent who says bad things will make the child like that parent less. Vent with your friends or family if you need to.
At the end of the day you both want your child to feel the love from
you both. Also it's not a competition of who can buy the most gifts for your daughter. An ice cream and walk in the park or drive to now where is best as you get to spend time talking to your daughter.
Good luck. It's a tough road but everyone deserves to be happy. I talk from experience, divorced now 9 years
I am experiencing a similar situation. Just posted about it. I don't understand why husbands act so nasty when it comes to separation or divorce. I'm not asking for any child support money, all I want is for us to co-parent in peace. Mine is making my like miserable and I cannot wait to sign this lease!!
I hope this post does not come to late... Your sound like a great mom. I had a similar conversation today with my daughter- I told her I loved her and I am doing what is best for all of us long term. It may be hard but she will always have two parents that love her and will be there for her always. It is not her fault - sometimes people care about each other but can't live together.
I know my daughter saw our unhappiness and it hurt her to see us hurt each other. I like to think I am teaching her that happiness is important and each of us deserves it and can attain it if we are brave enough. Divorce takes courage - especially as a mother who is always trying to put others before herself. Your happiness will give her more happiness. She will see a mother who values herself and hopefully this translates into her valuing herself.
I personally- am in a similar situation- I have been married 22 years am on the brink of asking my husband for divorce. I am trying to muster up this courage I speak of because I really believe it is true. I stayed for soooo long because I thought I was doing the right thing for my kids. I heard my daughter tell her firend the other day that "My parents hate each other so much -I can't stand it" What a wake up call- I was wrong- kids know...
I wish you the best of luck- Please let me know what happens.