Hi everyone I'm new to this board and was looking for some advice. I'm a divorced mom of two and within the last few months started dating a divorced man who has shared custody of his child. We currently are in a "long distance" relationship and are only able to see each other every other weekend of that. He and his ex have been divorced for 4 years and maintain and are both heavily involved with their son together. Neither of us have dated someone with children so it's new territory for the both of us; while I don't have any issues with the three of them spending time together (e.g. Taking their son to the movies, dinner, etc) I do have some concerns with other things. They are friends on Facebook and talk as friends but he has not told her about me, so I'm not able to comment on things he posts, yet he's told his parents, friends, and other family members about me. We have talked about him introducing me to his child and I have no issues with him wanted to tell his ex about it first. The issue I'm having is, he told me that if his ex doesn't like me I wouldn't be allowed to be around their child. He wants to "keep the peace" and doesn't "think" she'll have a problem with me, but in my mind I'm thinking, she has no say on who he allows in his son's life. Am I crazy to think this? I don't have a friendship with my ex so I certainly wouldn't base my actions on his approval. I'm wanting to tread lightly here as I know this is a big step for us both...
thoughts? Opinions?
Just A: It sounds like he is nervous about how she might react to you being in his life/child's life/maybe a jealous type/difficult person, excuses are being made and/or they may be a "helicopter parents". If you have lived an honest life, I see no reason why you could not be around their child eventually if the relationship has gone well. See what happens....if there is too much drama around her, you may want to keep it a very part time relationship as it is now until the child gets older or move on. I had a relative who eventually married a guy whose ex has led a very troubled life and they waited until the youngest child was 16 to marry........not saying you should get married, just writing about her experience. I'm with someone whose ex had kids ages around 9, 12 and 17 (not his) and things went more smoothly once the kids got older and had their own lives with activities and friends.