Do it now while you can still get child support out of him. And depending on state, you can get him to pay you as long is the kids are in college. Women who are educated and utilize all the laws and the ingrained sympathies of the court can get enough of their ex-husbands paycheck that they don't have to work. It will be important to get the judge to require him to move out and grant you custody (they usually do). If there's any domestic violence, that will be easy. Judges usually consider the women to be the victim - you need to leverage that. Then you'll be sitting pretty. Then there's alimony for you. And at least half his retirement. Plenty of ways for you to make money out of this. He'll be forced to pay - the laws are constructed to make it easy for women. Just don't get re-married - that will reduce your you money (boyfriends are OK).
I've been here and I'm still there (some what). I'm separated and my husband moves out Aug 11. I too spent 2 years humming and hawing over it all. My life felt miserable. I was raising our second child (alone pretty well he was no help) and each night I'd cry and feel like I can't leave my marriage and break up my family. I tried making it better and things never got better. I've only been married 5 years and I decided that I will not live this way forever. I don't want to be married for over 20years and find out later I wasted all of my time being in an unhappy marriage when I could have been enjoying this precious life we have.
My parents have been married for over 40 years so divorce, to me, was never going to happen. I'm sad. Extremely sad. But, I know my broken heart will mend and I'll be glad I left an unhappy marriage. This decision to end your marriage has to come from within. I had a Best Friend I could confide in and she helped me through it all. In your heart, you know what you want to do. You've just been married so long, it's a scary step to take. You've been to a lawyer already...you want to end it. So I say go for it and send that retainer in.
I admire you Cassie! Good for you trusting your instincts and ending an unhappy situation.
You are absolutely right- you dont want to wake up 20+ years later in an unhappy marrige. My parents were married 42 years - my husbands family NO divorces. You basically suck it up!! I told my fiercly religious father - "I was wrong to stay married for the kids" I truely mean that! As hard as it is because we are women and inside we want to keep the family together- Your unhappiness will spread all over your family. I have seen this first hand...
Now - there is the guilt of messing up kids because I allowed the marrige to continue. I told my daughter recently that I'm sorry- I really thought I was doing the right thing. Bottom line: I didnt trust and act on my instincts. You are-- You should be very proud of yourself. Good Luck!!!
Patrice, here's the one-two process to survive and thrive in your divorce First, file for divorce. Second, file a Restraining Order. Just go to your police station. They will advise you. Just say the truth. How you think he may hurt you. How he looks at you in a menacing manner. You feel threatened by him. Keep it general and nothing that can be disproven, i.e., he punched me in the face. The restraining order is almost automatic and will ruin his life. He will be consumed by it. He may be ordered to pay for the upkeep of your marital home while he's living in some dirtbag motel. Just make stuff up. See a divorce lawyer. The divorce lawyer will be able to make motions and use delaying tactics to keep the Restraining Order in place forever. Please file the Restraining Order and let us know how you make out.