I'm divorced from a deadbeat dad who my son hates. I went for full custody but he wouldn't accept. So I have joint but I spelled out exactly what that joint custody would look like. Kids see him every other weekend and for two weeks in the summer. Give and take a few school holidays I have them 90% of the time, and he sees them four days a month generally. It's still pretty good. Custody (at least where I'm from) means deciding together on education, religion and health concerns. That's about it. He's a deadbeat dad so he's never going to pay for their education, no one is religious so that point it moot and if someone gets sick I let him know. It's pretty good but not ideal. I still am subject to harassment, and all kinds of passive-aggressive and just aggressive behaviour over which I feel really powerless to stop. But at least I don't share my kids 50/50 which would be a disaster. Sorry I realize this was a tangent, my kids are 14 and 10, the 14 yr old can't stand his dad (I don't believe in a lot of bad mouthing but my therapist told me to let the kids see him fail) but you have to get the lawyers to work it out. Hopefully you have a better lawyer then he does and you can get close to what you want in terms of custody arrangement. Some people don't understand that even if you had full custody, the man would still likely have access to the child (visits, residential time).
Elise, you need to protect yourself & your son from your abusive ex-husband. You need to file a Restraining Order against him. Just go to your police station. They will advise you. Just say the truth. How you think he may hurt you & your son. How he looks at you in a menacing manner. How he has threatened to discipline your child in a manner that may result in permanent physcial injury. How you feel threatened by him. Keep it general and nothing that can be disproven, i.e., he punched me in the face. The restraining order is almost automatic and will ruin his life. He will be consumed by it. He may even lose child visitation. Just make stuff up. Please file the Restraining Order and let us know how you make out.
Hi. Talk to a good lawyer and I am sure he will help you out. The lawyer will provide you the best solution. I am familiar with a lawyer Tarabay-Gemayel. You need to contact an advocate soon and I am sure you will find the solution for your problem.