I am already divorced. It was a nightmare, I share joint custody but the kids live with me 90/10. The divorce process was a total nightmare, he ended up initiating emergency court action on me, he lost because it wasn't an emergency (as the court defines it) just a money grab and I got the upper hand because he was wasting the courts time. Anyway, fast fwd to me having a signed divorce agreement which clearly lays out his involvement. Doesn't seem to matter. He blows through deadlines (to exchange tax info, to inform of holidays etc) and worst of all he continues to harass me in a very passive-aggressive way. I get emo/aggressive, accusatory emails that I have learnt not to respond to, he bad mouths me to the kids. I have twenty pages of documented times he has harassed me, disparaged me, not followed the agreement etc... I have provided it all to my lawyer who sent him one letter about 7 months ago which temporarily put a stop to it, but its starting to happen again. I have tried everything with this person....divorcing him didn't put a stop to the awful behaviour, it amplified it. I have called various aid societies but because he doesn't beat or sexually abuse the kids or do drugs in front of them, he's not the worst of the worst but its bad enough to cause me and the kids constant stress, worry and emotional harm ongoing. Does anyone have experience with this? How did you stop a passive-aggressive, aggressive sociopath from harassing you/messing with you at every possible opportunity while getting away with it. My therapist says to let the kids see him fail (not difficult he's inept at a lot of things), but also to stand up to myself. but I don't want to engage him more then I absolutely have to. He generally won't talk to me in person (because I have my mean looking but super nice dog with me when I have to see him) or my boyfriend with me, he's a coward so he's afraid to speak to me in person with them around but he'll send messages through the kids and send me snarky nasty emails. I choose not to respond to most of the snark, but my therapist says to defend myself, if its in the kids best interest.....nothing works to stop this guy. And he will stop at nothing from harming me (emotionally/psychologically) at every opportunity.

Thanks for your advise/experiences.

Jensen, your ex-husband sounds like a real man. Here's how to put him in his place. File a Restraining Order. Just go to your police station. They will advise you. Just say the truth. How you think he may hurt you. How he looks at you in a menacing manner. You feel threatened by him. Keep it general and nothing that can be disproven, i.e., don't say he punched me in the face if u don't have marks. But you can say he grabbed your breast and vagina. With guys like Bill Clinton & Bill Cosby, it's very believable. The restraining order is almost automatic and will ruin his life. He will be consumed by it. He may even lose child visitation. Just make stuff up. Please file the Restraining Order immediately and let us know how you make out.

No. I am not going to make stuff up and tell the police lies. My problem is that he psychologically and emotionally abuses us, he doesn't do it physically. I almost wish he did because it would make it easier for me to report him to the police. His behaviour is passive-aggressive, so he'll ignore, obstruct, resent, bad mouth, procrastinate, stall, stonewall and not respond unless he wants something from me then he'll spam and harass me until I respond or give attention to his issue. He constantly plays the victim, has trouble communicating in any other way but passive aggressively. Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and how.

Jensen: I am already divorced, also. The kids will see him for who he is as they get older. Mine was 18 when we divorced. Everyone stay in counseling as long as you have insurance to pay for it. Mine was a blackbelt and had shoved me years before and both Lawyers asked him to leave. He did not get visitation or custody of our full-time college student daughter.

Yeah I have had the kids in therapy my older one did very well in it and has phased out of therapy because he has dealt with the life transition very well. My younger one may need therapy later when he more mature.

My ex doesn't physically abuse us. Only emotionally, and psychologically relentlessly. I would involved the police if he ever touched me, he has shoved my older son and blocked him physically from leaving his home on one occasion. But I wasn't there (obviously) it was between him and my older son. My older son is resigned to having to see this guy every other weekend and some holidays but he hates him. He can=me to that conclusion on his own I didn't bad mouth, but my therapist told me to let the kids see my ex fail. For me to stop covering for his mistakes. My older son saw this father then I thought was possible. But my ex won't stop constantly harassing us in a passive aggressive way. Wondering if anyone else had experience with passive aggressive exes and how they dealt with it.

My therapist says to 1) put the kids first and 2) stand up for myself when #1 has been fulfilled. Its good advice but I am emiotnally exhausted from battling this guy for so long on everything. He will not lay off me. Every interaction is negative and adversarial. I try to stay cordial and to the point but it's not always easy. Sometimes its easer for me not to react to everything. But I want his emotional, psychological abuse to stop once and for all (I thought it would stop by getting a divorce from this POS) but it goes on.

Jensen, emotional abuse is also grounds for a Restraining Order. You have no idea how female-friendly the domestic violence laws are. As long as you say he is harassing you with emotional abuse, you can ruin his life and put him in his place. You need to file a Restraining Order immediately. If you can bait him into hitting you or just say he did, even better.

Jensen, a restraining order could also prevent all contact with his children as well as yourself. It will destroy the *******.

I totally understand trying to survive a passive aggressive ex. I wish I had some helpful words for you, but the truth of the matter is that I'm in the same boat, just haven't sailed as far as you have. Ex, by delaying getting documents to the prospective house buyer (7 weeks delay), single-handedly drove them away. Now we're relisting in July, when the house was originally listed in Jan for a too-high price (his doing). I get what you mean by thinking you don't want to ruffle feathers, a smug passive aggressive can be easier to deal with than one who is forced to face his own crapola. It takes everything I have not to tell him how his actions are financially choking me, but if I do that will just give him more ammo. I'm just recently divorced, but he has pretty much done nothing stipulated in the MSA and is behind on support (thankfully it's now directly taken from his pay), isn't paying his half of bills, isn't even taking the kids every other weekend like he asked. That's the thing I don't get, he didn't ask for 50/50, said he wanted every other weekend and "whenevers" yet he barely sees them. Two weekends in 2 months, and a few weekday after work get-togethers. He sees his friends more than he sees his own boys. They're teens, young adults really, old enough to see through things, but I don't know if they believe his excuses. I think these PA POSs have to find new "victims" before we're free and clear of them. If you have children and any kind of financial ties, you're screwed (sorry, not in me today to be uplifting). I don't think most people (police too) understand that PA behavior is intentional abusive behavior. It took me a really long time to understand that his actions and inactions toward me were specially designed to hurt me. After all, we all forget stuff, procrastinate on doing things that may be difficult, tell little white lies. We all do, a little. For PAs, it's their go-to method of dealing with the things they can't deal with, which in my ex's case is just about every bit of responsibility he has. Hang in there, you're not alone.

Jensen: We learned not to depend on ex for anything. He took me back to court several times, had shoved me during the marriage (made a special trip in the car to do that, unprovoked). Other posters have written about things like this. It takes a lot of energy to do what he's doing. Eventually, he will get tired of it. The kids will see him for who he is. One poster had a friend examine text to see whether or not they were of an abusive nature. You could do so with regard to the e-mails. If he's not following the agreement and you have the money to take him back to court and can stand the stress.........you could take it all back to court. My heart goes out to you and the kids. Best wishes.