Not being dramatic here, but my ex, a card-carrying passive aggressive has been doing everything in his power to prevent the sale of a new home we built, which was completed in January and put on the market. First, he wouldn't agree to a reasonable sales price so no one showed any interest in it, it was listed way too high. I finally got him to drop the price by $40K in April and we had some interest. A potential buyer wrote up a contract in May, but ex took too long to give them requested paperwork (7 weeks too long) so they walked. House is back on the market. He built it, the building permits are in his name, and I'm facing blockages at every angle. The town isn't sure they can give me the Certificate of Occupancy (I don't trust him with any paperwork, see 7 weeks above) because we each contributed a check for half of the fees, plus my name isn't on the permits. I'm on the deed for the land, before there was any house. He wants to offer a builder's warranty to any new buyer, but he waived that right to getting a builder's warranty when he signed the initial building permit paperwork - yet he's still arguing that he wants to offer that warranty. My lawyer, the state, and everything I read online says that we CANT even offer the warranty, he refuses to listen. I am financially strapped, unable to get a mortgage to re-fi the former martial house I'm living in, can't get him to pay the monthly minimum on the joint credit card that carries the expenses that HE charged (as stipulated in the MSA) and have college bills due soon. He's not paying for anything, complaining how financially strapped he is (he does pay small alimony and child support) but come on, he's living at his moms, golfs at least once every weekend, and eats out lunch every workday. He's providing just fine, for himself.

I guess I'm just venting here, but if anyone has information on how to successfully work with a passive aggressive, I'd love to hear from you. Or, if anyone has built and sold a house with their ex, that too. I was doing so well the first two months after the divorce, because I saw light at the end of the tunnel. He snuffed that light out by screwing up the house sale, simply because he can't let go.

Joan, your ex-husband is emotionally abusing you. You need to file a Domestic Violence Restraining Order. You can file against current and former husbands. You have no idea how female-friendly the domestic violence laws are. As long as you say he is harassing you with emotional abuse, you can ruin his life and put him in his place. You need to file a Restraining Order immediately. If you can bait him into meeting with you, get him to have a verbal argument, then saying he hit you or you felt like he was about to hit you, even better. As part of the Restraining Order, the Judge will give you full control over the sale of the property and may even allow you to keep an additional portion of the proceeds for the emotional and physical abuse you've suffered.

Linda, I would never do such a thing, for a host of reasons. Yes, he is emotionally abusive, it took me many decades to come to that understanding, with the help of our marriage counselor. But, what does lying to police and provoking a fight do for me, in the long run? It brings me down to his petty level of playing games, and by no way guarantees I get what I want. Secondly, as a passive aggressive, the more he is pushed the more he will shut down. I've known him for over 30 years. He doesn't care about money (he's 55 and mooching off his mother) or the impact of his actions as long as I'm hurting more. I also don't want my kids to see their dad in jail, especially if I was responsible by getting in his face. What will that do to their relationship? Nothing good. And unless you're a lawyer, please don't advise that the courts would give me full financial control if he were to hit me. Chronic, repeated, proven physical violence towards me - maybe not even then. I've been through $40,000 (as has he) to even get the divorce, and I've seen the judge just look past all the times he's broken consent orders, been late with filings, disregarded the judge's orders. The court's goal is to get the divorce done, and get you out of their court rooms. Also, the town and the credit card companies don't care a thing about a court order, or what he was legally required to pay. All the credit card companies know is that my name is also on the joint card, so I'm responsible. All the town knows is that the building permit was taken out in his name, not jointly. These business and public entities have to abide by the law, but he can get away with it, for a time. In a perfect world, I would bring him back to court and have him held in contempt of violating the marital settlement agreement. Even then, how many weeks would it even take to get on the docket? How much more money that I don't have will it cost? How many more days off work do I need to take? It just may be that this is the route I go, but I was hoping for a response from people who've dealt with passive aggressive exs from a more reasoned (and successful) approach. I do appreciate that you responded.

Joan, you need to stop being a victim and go on the offensive. You've no idea the benefits which will accrue to you by filing a Restraining Order. You don't have to lie. Be honest. He's being aggressive and harassing you. Say that. It's the truth. If you want to play the victim, keep letting him abuse you, don't do anything but complain. If you want to win, file the RO now. Good luck.

Joan: Please go back to the Lawyer about this if you had one and were happy with them. If not, find one who has some experience in divorce/real estate or real estate.

Upshot of this story is that we lost the sale and the house is relisted. I am hiring a new lawyer to protect myself - however I really don't have any money left to pay. I'm probably going to have to borrow from my brother down the line, until the house sells. Ex is now threatening and says if I pursue things through the court, he will move to the next state (we live near the boarder) to avoid alimony (says they won't "come after me" if he moves, and to declare bankruptcy to avoid paying for college and other obligations. Luckily, I recorded that conversation on my phone so he can't lie and say he never made those statements.

BTW a restraining order is not valid in this case. There is no physical harm, no threats, it would be an abuse of the system and I'm not going to go that route.

The guy obviously doesn't need the money or he would facilitate the process. He is shooting off his mouth and he is threatening you.. Give him a reason to squawk, hire an attorney to halt the obstruction.