Joan, your ex-husband is emotionally abusing you. You need to file a Domestic Violence Restraining Order. You can file against current and former husbands. You have no idea how female-friendly the domestic violence laws are. As long as you say he is harassing you with emotional abuse, you can ruin his life and put him in his place. You need to file a Restraining Order immediately. If you can bait him into meeting with you, get him to have a verbal argument, then saying he hit you or you felt like he was about to hit you, even better. As part of the Restraining Order, the Judge will give you full control over the sale of the property and may even allow you to keep an additional portion of the proceeds for the emotional and physical abuse you've suffered.

Linda, I would never do such a thing, for a host of reasons. Yes, he is emotionally abusive, it took me many decades to come to that understanding, with the help of our marriage counselor. But, what does lying to police and provoking a fight do for me, in the long run? It brings me down to his petty level of playing games, and by no way guarantees I get what I want. Secondly, as a passive aggressive, the more he is pushed the more he will shut down. I've known him for over 30 years. He doesn't care about money (he's 55 and mooching off his mother) or the impact of his actions as long as I'm hurting more. I also don't want my kids to see their dad in jail, especially if I was responsible by getting in his face. What will that do to their relationship? Nothing good. And unless you're a lawyer, please don't advise that the courts would give me full financial control if he were to hit me. Chronic, repeated, proven physical violence towards me - maybe not even then. I've been through $40,000 (as has he) to even get the divorce, and I've seen the judge just look past all the times he's broken consent orders, been late with filings, disregarded the judge's orders. The court's goal is to get the divorce done, and get you out of their court rooms. Also, the town and the credit card companies don't care a thing about a court order, or what he was legally required to pay. All the credit card companies know is that my name is also on the joint card, so I'm responsible. All the town knows is that the building permit was taken out in his name, not jointly. These business and public entities have to abide by the law, but he can get away with it, for a time. In a perfect world, I would bring him back to court and have him held in contempt of violating the marital settlement agreement. Even then, how many weeks would it even take to get on the docket? How much more money that I don't have will it cost? How many more days off work do I need to take? It just may be that this is the route I go, but I was hoping for a response from people who've dealt with passive aggressive exs from a more reasoned (and successful) approach. I do appreciate that you responded.

Joan, you need to stop being a victim and go on the offensive. You've no idea the benefits which will accrue to you by filing a Restraining Order. You don't have to lie. Be honest. He's being aggressive and harassing you. Say that. It's the truth. If you want to play the victim, keep letting him abuse you, don't do anything but complain. If you want to win, file the RO now. Good luck.

Joan: Please go back to the Lawyer about this if you had one and were happy with them. If not, find one who has some experience in divorce/real estate or real estate.

Upshot of this story is that we lost the sale and the house is relisted. I am hiring a new lawyer to protect myself - however I really don't have any money left to pay. I'm probably going to have to borrow from my brother down the line, until the house sells. Ex is now threatening and says if I pursue things through the court, he will move to the next state (we live near the boarder) to avoid alimony (says they won't "come after me" if he moves, and to declare bankruptcy to avoid paying for college and other obligations. Luckily, I recorded that conversation on my phone so he can't lie and say he never made those statements.

BTW a restraining order is not valid in this case. There is no physical harm, no threats, it would be an abuse of the system and I'm not going to go that route.

The guy obviously doesn't need the money or he would facilitate the process. He is shooting off his mouth and he is threatening you.. Give him a reason to squawk, hire an attorney to halt the obstruction.