BACKGROUND: My husband and I are getting a divorce. We've been married almost four years and together for six. Two years into our marriage we decided it would be best for me to leave the workforce and go back to school. During this time he began to make snide remarks about things in the house being "his" because it was "his" money that supported us while I went to school, he also would make comments about me being a "gold-digger" and marrying him just for money. *Note: I made more than him when we started dating and the year we got married. Also, we aren't rich, if I was going to marry someone for money, I would have married someone who had a lot of it. Plus, I had a couple part time jobs to help out, one of them actually paid for school itself. I recently graduated, and got a decent-paying full time job 150 miles away so I will be moving very soon. He is starting to understand that because we made the decision about school together, and I left a really good job to better ourselves in the long-run that I may be entitled to 1/2 of the 401k from the time I quit working or when we got married, and I could get 1/2 the equity from the house, and he will have to split the $12k in CC debt with me.



ISSUE:

I start a job next week. My first full time job in two years since going back to school. Even with my new job he will be making twice as much as me. We do not have kids together (I was previously widowed with one child) so that it's not a factor in our settlement. Several times he has said to me that he can buy new stuff so I can have anything I want from our house, except the couch and TV he came into the marriage with. Well, he's now trying to make deals with me like, "I'll take the CC debt, you can just take it out of what I owe you", what he's "owes" me being 1/2 the assets. Last ngiht I suggested one of us take the washer and the other take the dryer, he insisted that because they are a set, they must be together and if I want them both, to "take it out of what I owe you". But I'm still paying for it then?!

He will be making a true 2X more than me with no one to support except himself, he has a good retirement built up because I upped it an aggressive investment while we were married, he has an uninterrupted work history and can get a loan for a new house even before we sell out current house plus he has a 401k he can borrow from to make a down payment on a new house. I have to move in with my parents until we sell our house and even then I'm just hoping we get money out of it that I can get money for a down payment. I haven't worked in two years which I believe is the requirement to getting mortgage, so I'm basically stuck renting or living with my parents, struggling to pay off 1/2 the debt while saving for a DP on a new house and he'll be sitting pretty.

Sorry, I guess a lot of that is venting.



QUESTIONS:

What can I do to help myself get a little bit more on even ground with him? Right now it seems like I'm going to be further behind financially than I was when we got married and he's 200% better.

Is it fair for him to "take it out" of what he "owes" me? Or is that just screwing myself?

I have an attorney on retainer, but my husband and I have been getting along so well since deciding to divorce, I don't want to make things ugly, but I also don't want to let him dup me into thinking trade-offs are fair.

Rebekah: Lawyers handle financial matters like this. DON'T agree to any "deals" like what you wrote here without telling the Lawyer what you wrote here.