My daughter was in 1st grade last year. She is too smart for her own good, but struggled on timed testing. She persistently tested points under what the state requires her to be at and was progressed monitored through all of 1st grade and would start 2nd "at risk". She worries herself sick and gets in her own head over scores and testing. I mentioned to the teacher at one conference, I had thought about having her do 1st grade again (and she was very relieved and concurred it was a great idea). She is far younger than most of her peers (turned 7 June 29th) and is in the same age group as most of the kindergarten in our town. I feel it would be in her best interest to repeat 1st grade, before it affects her and her peers would make fun, the teacher and school principal/superintendent (with a doctorate) agreed. My ex husband, who had access to all the school accounts and information and didn't attend any conferences, disagrees. He is furious that she is now starting 1st grade again, after we've had discussions as to how it's in her best interest and I informed him it's ultimately the district's ruling and heard nothing back from him. He's accusing me of going behind his back and making decisions without him. I have primary physical care and we share joint legal custody. He sees our children every other weekend, and I have them otherwise. I see how she struggled and would, literally, worry herself sick. But he insists I'm doing it because "it's the easy way out". I know my child (he was absent for the most part the first 3 years) and know, if forced to go onto second grade at risk, she would struggle and get in her own head and barely make decent grades. But if given the opportunity to do 1st again and be with peers her own age, she would thrive and flourish and be confident in herself. She, herself is thrilled she has the chance to do 1st again and not be stressed. He is threatening to take this to legal matters. Am I wrong here? What can he do about this when the primary parent and school both agree it's for the best? Please let me know if you need anymore information. Thank you.
I am so very saddened by your husband's views regarding your child's schooling. I work in an elementary school as an aide and have two children who have moved up through the school system. I've seen it all. Most teachers and administrators believe that it is a "gift" to have a child who struggles (whether it be academic or social) repeat a grade. Especially if the child is willing and excited about it! This is a no-brainer, but I do understand how some parents, and I'll generalize and say it's often the fathers, take their children's issues personally and feel it reflects on themselves. One of my sisters was in this exact same place 40 years ago, where the school and my mom wanted her to repeat first grade. She just wasn't where she needed to be academically. My dad objected, asked if she could take summer school in the public system (we were in catholic school). The school agreed that if she passed summer school, she could move up a grade. Well she failed, the school stood firm and said she had to repeat 1st grade. My dad was livid, pulled her out of catholic school and she started second grade in the public school system (a decent school). She suffered academically and I believe emotionally for the rest of her school career. She barely graduated high school. If my dad would have allowed her to repeat first grade, and if she were allowed to be tested and given the proper assistance she needed, she would have had a much better outcome.
I would advise you to have as many people involved in your daughter's education write a letter stating their reasoning for having her repeat a grade. They can include supporting documentations. Her teacher(s), any child study personnel who may have had dealings with her, her principal, this is something they do on a regular basis. Present this to your husband and it should suffice. Keep it in case he pursues this legally.
Your instincts are correct and you're doing a great job, Mom!