I decided to separate from my husband 3 months ago and although I have no doubts that I have made the right decision for myself for many reasons, it is not as straightforward emotionally as I thought it would be.

I had suspected for last 4 years that my husband was cheating on me, he seemed to enjoy the attention of other women quite a bit, more than a married man should, a year and a half ago, I caught him red handed and found out that it was more than one. He claims he went through a mid-life crisis, but it was much more than that, he had been this way for the last 20 years, he just got sloppy in the end.

We are in the process of the legal separation and will follow through with a divorce after that is done. He has bought a house in another city and will be moving in a couple of months. When we decided to split, I asked him to not start anything with another women while he is still in the house with me, out of respect for me, I felt that was the very least he could do after 27 years of marriage.

This past week he told me that he has been on a website for divorced women, I asked him what the purpose of it was, he said to help him understand his situation, then he said it was to make new friends, then I discovered there is one in particular that he has befriended. I asked him about it and he said they were just friends and they talk about their individual situations. Then I find out that they met for a coffee, while I was helping mom arrange my father's funeral. Needless to say, I am very hurt that he couldn't even wait until he was out on his own, the very least I would expect after 27 years of being married to him.

It has been very stressful in the house, as we reduce our 29 year relationship to a bunch of numbers, however, this morning we had a great conversation, as apposed to the stressful screaming and fighting that has been going on. He told me that I was the love of his live, he loved me so much, it is going to be so hard to be without me, tears and everything. A little while later, he told me that he was going to do a few things to get a couple of things done for his new place, then I got a text at 4 this afternoon, telling me that he was going to go to an event with this women and her friends and would be home later. So, what's my question? And why do I care?

My question is: was any of what he said this morning real, or was it just guilt because he knew he was going to be meeting up with her and leaving me on my own?

Why do I care: is he just being nice because we are dealing with the numbers right now and he feels guilty about leaving me alone, or is there something else that I am missing.

What am I missing?

Ann

I think part of his response was definitely real. You don't spent over a quarter of a century with someone and not have strong feelings about them. You guys had good times and bad times, and when you have an honestly good moment like you described (without screaming and fighting) you're more apt to remember the good, and feel sorrow for what you're losing.

On the other hand, he has found a connection in another that will make it easier for him to move on from you. He found something special with you, and found something special in others. While it sucks that he could not stay faithful to you and the commitment he made 27 years ago, this is GOOD FOR YOU. You are worth more than a man who can find love and companionship in more than one place. You deserve a man who is honest and faithful to you and you alone.

I am truly sorry for what you're going through and the mixed emotions it causes. You must rely on your initial gut instinct that you are doing the right thing.

I wish you quick emotionally healing and the insight to trust yourself.

Dear Ann. I haven't been here for a long time. Maybe 2013. Divorced in 2014. Here are my thoughts. He will always love you but has moved on (bought a house). Plus cheated all along. My husband changed so quickly that I knew instantly what happened. Fishing trip turned into something else. 23 years of marriage. He's married now. I had to sell our beautiful home. Three years later, after two years of rental and two years of living in my friends house (putting everything I own into storage), I finally bought a condo and now live on my own. I have a Bf, but he's not the most romantic, like my ex was. I now live by myself again and that's why I'm here. Trying to re-adjust to me, myself and I again. It takes time. A lot of time. Plan on five years of recovery and maybe start feeling like yourself again. Beginning is the start, healing is the end. I think I'm getting toward the end but re-meeting the love of your life is hard. You will compare everything to him. Love yourself first and then you'll have nothing to compare to but you, not him. Please remember that I am writing this because I hope I'm healing but felt a need to speak my mind about how we get better. Be strong, as I am trying. Even though it takes a part of us, we will survive!!!! Life is funny that way.