Hey! Im a 36 yr old mother of 3 awesome kiddos. My oldest son, 16 and middle child, my son thats 14 and my daughter and my mini bff is 11. Currently my oldest lives with me because of social reasons and school. His father moved to a different county. My two youngest kids are with their father. They were with me since november of 2014. I have been their caregiver and main adult in their life their whole lives. My ex worked all the time and even when he was home, he wasn't really all that involved. Long story short, there was physical abuse towards me and drug addiction by both of us. Needless to say it was a tumultuous relationship. I ended up getting a felony in 2008 for false police report and then another one in 2010 for promotion of manufacture of meth. Which was 3 boxes of sudafed that i had been charged with. We both had bought them to provide extra money but im the only one that was charged. So, last summer, may of 2016 school ends and their father asked if he could have them stay with him during their summer break bc he hadn't spent much time with them during the school year. I have always tried to be courteous and i would never,ever, without good reason, keep his children from him. I don't think he is an all out terrible human being that doesn't deserve time with his kids. He is engaged and lives with another woman who i don't get along with. They always are making it hard for me to spend time with the kids and come up with all kinds of reasons as to why i can't get visitation with my children. He filed for divorce/custody in july of this year. I did not file and answer to the court bc we ended up coming to a parenting plan agreement. I also cannot afford an attorney. i have tried almost everything to obtain one. He kept the children from me when he filed for the divorce up until we made the parenting agreement. I had agreed to let the kids stay there bc they were doing good and i trusted they were happy. I split it as much down the middle as possible and we were fair on almost everthing. Parenting plan was going great until he started keeping one or both of them from coming with me on my friday afternoon pickups bc they had made some kind of plan for them to attend. I ended up keeping my daughter due to her telling me about the fiance and her daughter continuously bullying her and making her upset and attempts to talk to her father about it were ignored. so i felt she wanted to stay with me and that was what was best bc i can't allow her to be mistreated and sad. He filed for emergency custody and was awarded it. Now i missed the temporary ex parte hearing bc i knew the judge would give him the custody order. Now i have a default hearing coming up next week and im scared to death that im going to lose everything. My daughter and son both miss me and want to see me but they have been kept from me since october 22. I don't want to let them down. also, i smoke marijuana and now im scared of being drug tested and losing them over that. Im wondering what kind of drug test i can expect to be taking and any and all advice on what i need to get done. every time i try to look it all up, i read and read and read and i just get so upset and overwhelmed. ugh! help please!