My husband and I are divorcing he started sleeping with me best friend and I didn’t find out for 4 months when I did I was leaving for a planned visit with my parents out of state. While away I tried everything I could think of to try and reconcile the marriage. He made no efforts to work on it. It became clear it was over so I went back and packed my things and took our son back to my parents. This all started 8 months ago. I have filed for divorce and am waiting for him to be served in the meantime he has proposed coming to take our son for a 10 day visit but my son doesn’t want to go if I’m not going. We have never been apart for that long. I know my ex is living with his girlfriend and I think we need to have a talk with our 4 year old to explain the divorce. Our son knows that Dad has a girlfriend he knew before I did and we were still married and living together at the time. I don’t care that my ex has moved on what I care about is being away from my son for so long especially when he doesn’t want that either. I suggested I would fly with him for the visit and be on hand if I was needed but ex doesn’t want to hear of it. Not to mention that my ex and his girlfriend are avid drug and alcohol abusers. Notorious for driving drunk and getting into bar fights and my ex was just released from jail. And he has not said one honest sentence to me in the last 12 months. What can I do? I don’t know if he has been served he has been sporadic with support and contact with our son. I just want their visit to be as comfortable as possible for our son and make sure he is physically and emotionally safe. Not to mention we haven’t even explained to our son we are divorcing yet since the father doesn’t even know yet.

Just say no, if he is abusing alcohol that is reason enough. If you drink, you can't tell him not to, but if you do not drink then get a lawyer involved to block a 10 day visit. I get that he wants to see his son, and has every right at this time since there is no order blocking long visits. Agree to only a weekend, or a three day visit to start and see how it goes with them and the son. If he isn't agreeable to the terms then just say no. There is nothing right now telling you what the rules are.

I would consult with a Family Lawyer on this. Anyone currently abusing substances should not see their child. I would go for full custody.